Crossdressing can be a very private matter, kept hidden from most of those around us. Sanctuaries seem to be far and few between and although there are an immense amount of crossdressers in this world (we’ll never have a realistic ballpark figure), it’s easy to feel alone in this world.
When we do find a safe haven, either in a support group setting or an online community, we are eager to tell our stories and connect with others who can relate. Support groups offer the unique chance to meet other crossdressers and interact in ways never thought possible. The web is a different story, because it offers the cloak of anonymity, at least to a certain extent.
We use femme names not given to us at birth and enjoy making internet buddies through forums, myspace, facebook, twitter and many more social networking sites. There is nothing more required in these situations as we can (and do) choose to leave the default avatar, never showing our actual face. I’ve seen fellow online cd’ers even go so far as to post a picture of a celebrity or model in the area reserved for their own pic.
Am I condemning my sisters for taking advantage of this type of privacy? Absolutely not, I am fully aware that many of us are very secretive, insecure, ashamed and everything in between. Our experiences typed and posted will almost certainly bear no resemblance to the person behind the keyboard and for many, this is preferred. But for others in our community, sharing our photographs is an all-time favorite pastime.
The question then becomes, why do we do this and what do we want to get out of it? Why is it that so many among us choose to leave the “virtual closet” in favor of sharing our images? There is no easy response to this question, both in my own experience and when I posed this question on the message boards.
My Own Experience
I joined my first online community at the end of 2008, after years of lurking (reading but not posting) and countless visits to various crossdressing websites. Finally, I was participating in a forum and interacting with others who were just like me. But until the final days of April, I hadn’t posted a picture, and shortly after starting this blog, I started to feel the need to do so.
Like anything crossdress-related, I first consulted my wife on the issue. For a while, I had the itch to start blogging about my own life and experiences, but didn’t actually go through with it until I had the courage to ask my wife about it and get her blessing. So when I wanted to share images of Jessica with the world, I spoke with her before doing anything.
Her response was not what I expected. Instead of a yes, no or maybe response, she returned to me with a new question: “Why do you want to?” If I had a good answer, she would have no problem with me posting my photographs on various message boards.
I spent that night pondering; why did I want to share my pics? The more I thought, the clearer it became. There was a certain validation associated with getting my image out, one that couldn’t ordinarily be gotten. You see, for all of my life, people have seen the male side of me exclusively. I’ve been called handsome and my fashion sense has been complimented. Not true for the feminity dwelling within me.
Up until June of 2009, I had never ventured out as Jessica and the number of people who had seen me in that light could be counted on one hand. By posting my photos, I was able to receive feedback on my look and receive compliments normally not heard. The female side of me was able to be validated, I wanted to be accepted as a girl (at least sometimes) and by others seeing what I looked like, this was accomplished.
The flood of praise and acclaim was almost overwhelming as I was finally being accepted as Jessica, at least online. My goal was not to have others find me sexy or lust after my image, but rather to just feel normal. Good or bad, every comment was appreciated – and for the record, they were all positive. That’s just one of the perks associated with a support group, and I was finally reaping the benefits.
All the time and effort that had been put into looking pretty was finally earning me some respect. Jessica was showing her face and I couldn’t have felt any better with my decision, and my wife was happy for me too. Somehow, my involvement in the crossdressing community felt more real and my blogging efforts began to take off behind this. No longer was I confined to my own closet, because now I was sprinting down the information superhighway in drag.
However, my own purposes do not fully answer the question at hand: why do crossdressers post their pictures? In Part Two, we further examine the motivation fueling this action.
[Commenting is available in Part Two]
photo credit: boklm
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