I attended the Be-All Conference from June 5th to June 7th, here is my journal of my experiences. Because of the long length, I have decided to divide it into a four part series.
My wife and I arrived at the Be-All Conference Friday afternoon, and after checking in to the hotel we made our way up to the room, which was very nice. There was a bedroom, a kitchenette and an extra sitting room.While I showered and shaved, my wife placed combinations of my clothes and accessories on the bed for my choosing.
After taking about two hours to get ready, it was finally time to venture out for the very first time as Jessica. Now, my dear readers, up until this point you have read many of my thoughts, experiences and even advice on crossdressing, but all of that simply could not prepare me for the wave of emotion that overcame me at this exact moment.
I was nervous, insecure, self-conscious, scared, excited, reluctant and on top of all that I had some difficulty breathing. My wife was an absolute angel, as she not only aided me in the transformation process but also was right there by my side as Jessica took her first strides into the world. Mind you, I was well aware that I was at a transgendered conference and that I would safe from not only harmful judgment but also physical harm. Despite this, it was still an arduous task to make my way to the hotel elevator.
As we descended, a few other fellow crossdressers entered, making my anxiety subside. Because all of the seminars had ended, we walked around the atrium, where several vendors had set up shop. After a few minutes of this, we both realized that we hadn’t much time to prepare ourselves for dinner. We returned to our room and started getting ready for the evening. I changed outfits and my wife redid my eye makeup to be more suitable for the dinner and show.
Unfortunately, we arrived at the dining hall just as dinner was starting. For most, this would certainly be just a minor inconvenience, but for me, it was nearly disastrous. You see, I am an admitted introvert and suffer from a bad case of social anxiety. While I love the idea of getting together socially and I almost always enjoy myself once in said situation, the moments leading up to it can be devastating on my emotions.
Please read Part Two here.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Cool
looking forward to part 2!
-J
Thanks so much for your support J!
I can understand the introvertedness, I'm the same way. I don't like to arrive to a party too early or too late because of this reason….can't really win lol
I've been following your blog for a bit, Jessica, and it is so inspiring to me to see a girl get out there in the world and start to embrace her femme side. I'm a closeted CD and I draw strength from reading about other girl's experiences. Thanks for sharing! Looking forward to reading more.
Hi Savanna, yea and it's something that I've tried to work on, with negligible success. It could certainly be worse, but I am pretty bad with my introvertedness. I have lost many friends because of it, but that was before I knew I was really like that. Now that I know, it's easier to combat.
Jessica
Thanks Rachel,
I appreciate your kind words and the fact that you've been a loyal reader. I'm so glad you left a comment, because comments and compliments are what have kept the drive going to make this blog the best it can be. You're so sweet, and I hope that I can be of help to you in coming out of the closet
.
Jessica
I was at the B-All last tear for a couple of days but was in drab.Ive gone out twice since then and was very afraid both times.Your very luck you have a wife who takes interest in it.Im sure after a while you got more comfortable being there.Cant wait too read part 2
but all of that simply could not prepare me for the wave of emotion
No, it's one hell of a bump isn't it. Glad you got through it though!