To purge is to get rid of something with the hope of clearing guilt. In the world of crossdressing, it takes on an even more specific definition. The act of purging is essentially taking all of your female clothing, makeup and accessories and throwing them away. Usually this is done out of guilt, shame or coercion. While I’ve touched on my own purging experiences in my college years series, I’ve never shared the lessons I’ve taken away from these events.
I’d like to focus this post on the drawbacks of purging and advice on how to avoid it.
I know that many crossdressers purge their things in an effort to eliminate the desire to dress and move on with their lives. Some hope that this will cure their “condition” and allow them to lead normal lives.
Consider This
If you are considering purging, here are some things to think of before you do:
- You are throwing cash in the trash
- Thousands have tried and failed at this
- You will need to spend more money to rebuild your wardrobe
I once grasped at the idea of a possible cure for crossdressing, and spent many hours searching online for any solid evidence of success stories. Eventually, I realized that there really is no cure nor will there ever be, and it is just best to accept the gift that you have been given.
Millions of dollars are made in the “quitting” industry whether it be smoking, overeating or drug addiction. If you pay special attention, you’ll notice that no money is being made by advising people to just get rid of the object that compels them. While I wouldn’t consider crossdressing an addiction by any means, this can be helpful example. Even if you thought there was a cure for transvestism, trashing your clothes would not be the way to go.
I understand that there may be other factors that lead up to purging, such as a lack of privacy where you live or a significant other asking you to toss your things. These may be valid reasons to get rid of your collection, but there are alternatives. If there is no other way around this, you can donate your outfits and shoes to a charity so they don’t go to waste.
Alternatives
If you feel that purging is unavoidable, there are various backup plans. Here are some ideas:
- Pack your things in boxes or bags, seal them tight and label them something ordinary like bottle cap collection or basket-weaving books. Put them somewhere safe but hidden, or at least someplace in your house where you wouldn’t normally see them.
- Give them to a friend, family member or counselor that will keep them for you so that you can think about the consequences.
Every single time I purged, I felt the need to dress within a couple of days and then felt even more guilty because I had thrown everything away. Then the cycle began anew, I would buy some new clothes and then trash them later. I probably wasted a few hundred dollars by doing this, not to mention the emotional damage I was doing to myself.
A Narrow Escape
Recently, maybe nine months ago, I almost purged again. My wife and I had been discussing my dressing all evening and it wasn’t going well. Tempers were flaring, nasty words were exchanged and both of us were at an impasse. In a fit of hopelessness, I locked myself in the bedroom and began placing all of my items in plastic bags and then took them to the garbage chute. I ignored my wife’s pleas and almost dropped them down to the trash room several floors below. I paused and thought about what I was doing and began crying … a moment later I reentered the apartment and resumed the conversation.
Although she was having some trouble accepting, my wife was certain that purging was not an option. Admittedly, the altercation was my fault for not showing patience and understanding to Rebecca in trying to find peace with my crossdressing. This was my final brush with the purging demon as I have vowed to never do it again, despite any problem I may be experiencing. Of course, things have worked out since and now my wife is the loudest cheerleader for Jessica.
Have you had any significant bouts with purging? If so, how did you deal with it? What lessons have you learned, and what would you say to those who are considering it?
One message is clear: don’t purge, you’ll certainly regret it.
photo credit: Daquella manera
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
> resumed the conversation.
I think this is the only way through it. You’ve got to keep communication open. Sure, sometimes you need to know when to shut-up, but talking it over is paramount. IMO, it’s the only way to stop the fear… for both of you.
Purging? I did it the once way back when I’d turned 20. I didn’t have much, but what I did, I threw away or gave to local charity shops. I was so scared they’d find out it was my stuff, which is, of course, complete tosh. It’s not like I’d written my name in the back the dress
To those considering throwing it all away: please don’t. As Jessica suggests, box it up (U-store-it?) or put it in a locked suitcase. Just don’t throw stuff as it’s like setting fire to money. Only without the smoke and legal issues
Not sure? Well, okay, keep it locked up for 6 months and if you still feel the same way, have a clear out of items you don’t want / need. Give it a bit longer after than and if you’ve managed a whole year, repeat the process.
My ‘going straight’ period lasted about 8 months. Sure, I’d chucked it all away, but the drive to do it remained. Not a good time really, but hey, as Alanis once sang: you live, you learn
Indeed, you live and learn. My biggest regret from purging is that I deleted several of my early photos in drag… I can never get them back and every so often I wish I could see them, but alas, such is the price of purging.
I have done the purge multiple times, and it always comes back to bite me in the ass, but somehow I don’t learn my lesson.
sigh…the shoes and clothes i’ve tossed.
and yes, the photos! i have so many photos i’ve lost, and recently it’s been really difficult to take photos. i can’t tell you how much i wish i had those old ones.
good alternatives, jessica! i like your perspective and approach. i’ll be sure to keep them in mind if i’m seized by the purging bug again.
Thanks, Rachel. I hope that the next time the purging bug buzzes in your ear, you take the biggest most awesome bug swatter and smash it!!! LOL
I never purged for one reason. At the time when you do, you want to stop dressing, I have wanted to many many times, but I always thought that if I had access to the clothes, but still didn’t wear them, that would show that I really did stop. If I just didn’t wear them because I didn’t have them I would always feel like part of me was missing, and it was.
As for the pictures, I’ve had so many picture that were on an old computer that crashed, I so wish I could get those back, but not having those gives me motivation to get new ones!
That’s true, you really quit something when it’s accessible but you don’t do it.
Yea, now I’m all about pictures too. It’s crazy, I spend like half the time just on photographing myself
Jessica, After I read this post, I forwarded it to a Cd I just recently met. We are both TGNA members and have corresponded occasionaly, and we live close. She had just recently PURGED! Now she is in need. (Its not like I never had done it before) But the message against this disruptive behavior needs to be broadcast loudly. The stress after the purge is nearly always greater than the push that caused it.
Ellen
Thanks for sharing my article Ellen, I really do hope that it can help confused crossdressers
I was just in communication with a Sister on My Space about this very topic. I wish I had seen this entry – you put it so much better and clear than I could. I’ll send her here to get your input on the topic.
Thanks for putting yourself out there – sharing your personal experiences – good and bad – for the rest of us to learn from.
Thanks for the warning! I have been thinking of purging and going back to normal (not cd-ing} but I very well might go back to crossdressing one day. I have not built up a huge supply. Life is interesting.