A big part of being a transgendered person is rejecting many of societies’ rigid stereotypes in favor of individuality. I’ve always taken great pleasure in this, daring to be unique for most of my life regardless of what others have to say about it.
When I was at the airport yesterday, waiting for my flight to begin boarding, I noticed a woman with two small children. It was the typical scene, they were interacting and having a good time, but I noticed something more. She was wearing a dark blue polo shirt and long khaki shorts, the typical weekend uniform of many guys. To most observers, she was just another average mom, nobody else saw the gender convention she was breaking.
Husband & Wife
As you have probably imagined, in my marriage many traditional gender roles have been thrown by the wayside like common garbage. My wife loves to do handiwork like hanging frames, assembling furniture and fixing stuff. I’ve always been a bit of a computer nerd, so these are things that I’ll only do if I absolutely must, so I’m happy to give up the “man’s job”. By the same token, she hates cleaning and has allergies so I typically tidy up the kitchen and bathroom and do all the vacuuming, much to her delight.
I’ve never felt insecure or threatened by these things. As a couple we encourage and embrace breaking out of the molds society tells us to fit in and it is quite liberating. Nothing in our marriage is relegated to men’s or women’s work, we share all of the responsibilities. And when it comes to fashion, well you know … 
Dude, you’re such a girl
Perhaps because of my disposition, I keenly observe people’s absurd hangups about gender. It’s insane that in 2009 so many are still clinging to outdated conventions; here are some things I’ve noticed recently. I was on the phone with a friend and he started crying, later stating that “guys aren’t supposed to be emotional.” I told him that it was okay to cry and let it out and that he didn’t have to feel embarrassed about it. He’s usually surrounded by macho manly guys, most of whom would ridicule him if he got that emotional around them.
While out having dinner with friends, one guy noted the color of the tablemat and then said “Oops, I just said something gay.” I just smiled and responded by telling him that it wasn’t gay of him to note the pretty color, it’s just an observation.
Do I fault or judge people for these type of statements? Absolutely not, that would be pretty harsh. After all, I blame our media for enforcing most of these stereotypes and so I do my best to respond intelligently instead of getting upset. It’s certainly an uphill battle, but I’m willing to take things on one individual at a time in the hopes of reversing old institutions.
When you stop trying to fit into a category, you can be free to focus on the important things in life, like having fun and helping others.
Back to the airport lady and how she flew completely under the radar — another ordinary suburban mom. Not a big deal, women frequently crossdress without flinching, but picture this: A father, waiting for a flight, spending time with his children. They are laughing, playing and smiling, but onlookers are mortified.
He’s wearing a dress!
photo credit: Blue.Steel
JessicaWhoHD
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
LOL I’d like to see the day a guy is allowed to wear a dress haha. Although for me wearing a dress alone isn’t enough. I want to be seen as a woman instead of a guy in a dress. Guess it’s deeper than just clothing.
Great post as always Jessica. It reminded me of the guy at work saying I was “gay” because my wife brought me flowers at work. Although I tend to be angry at him instead of the media and society =/
That’s ridiculous that someone called you gay because your WIFE brought you flowers. Some people are just ignorant :-/
Work is work, especially with housework. Just because women traditionally said at home to raise the kids, cook & clean, I see no reason why they should have to nor why a guy can’t do it either.
But then…. I guess I would say that when both of us work and it’s not right that one person does all the chores.
Exactly how I feel, I hate it when friends of mine say “that’s a woman’s job” or this needs “a woman’s touch”. Barf.
These male/female stereotypes are gradually breaking down, though I doubt that you nor I will ever be accepted wearing a dress.
Perhaps if it’d been ok to wear one years ago I might have been content but, like Savanna, it’s no longer enough. I need to pass as a woman, and experience as much of feminine life as I can.
Yea, you’re probably right about that, but we can hope
I know these types of relationships exists, and I am all supportive of them. I have a question though, how did you find such a lovely person that accepts and supports you for who you are? And how were able to break out of the male gender stereotype and allow your feminine side to come out?
Hi Joseph,
I am very blessed to have such a wonderful wife. She specializes in gender studies and has always been leery of gender stereotypes. Growing up she was into “Thundercats”, something typically boys were fans of. She is very caring and understanding and shows her love by accepting me fully.
I see myself as a unique individual and I love pushing boundaries (gender related or not), I suppose that is why I have been a bit more successful at breaking out of the male gender stereotypes.
Thanks for your comment
- Jessica