In part one of this series, you learned about why I decided to start sharing my photos and in part two you learned why some of your fellow community members do so. So far this simple question has elicited great response, thanks to all who have shared their comments here.
Although there are many transgendered people on the internet who make their image at least somewhat accessible to others, there are plenty in our midst who remain hidden in the digital closet. Shortly after I created the thread ‘Why Do You Post Your Pictures?’, another forum member posted inquiring about the other side of the coin.
Let’s face it, taking the leap of sharing your secret can be extremely tough, whether in-person or virtually. So if you choose not to upload and share your pictures, why is this?
Privacy
One of the biggest fears is that you will be recognized by a family member, friend, coworker or other acquaintance. Privacy is of the utmost concern for some of us and that means keeping the profiles pictureless. Among the common concerns are job security, personal safety and family acceptance. I can totally understand this as I have experienced the same anxiety, and these are not things to be taken lightly.
Most things on the internet can be viewed by anyone, at anytime. Additionally, there are website archiving systems in place, preserving the history of the world wide web. There are some measures that can be taken in order to maximize picture security, like password protecting your albums or only posting in members-only sections of forums. I feel these are reasonably easy measures if the intention is to keep the pictures relatively safe from prying eyes.
Not Ready For Primetime
Another big reason encountered was the simple lack of equipment. Some people just don’t have what they need to dress, and for that reason don’t want to release pictures onto the web. Maybe you don’t have a wig or you’ve just purged your entire wardrobe and therefore have nothing to wear. Perhaps you have everything you need to dress and do so to your liking, but simply don’t have a camera with which to snap the pics.
There are crossdresssers who are still beginners and want to perfect their look before taking the picture plunge and others who simply feel they are ugly or fat. These type of replies sadden me, because I genuinely feel that everyone is beautiful in their own way and should not have to hide because of a lack of self-esteem. Time can also be a major factor in not getting those images uploaded. Even if we plan, sometimes it is difficult to find the opportunity to dress.
The Mrs.
One last reason not to post your femme image online is because your wife doesn’t want you to, a position that definitely should be respected. I would recommend attempting to reopen this discussion if it is something that you are passionate about, but be mindful of her feelings. My wife did express some of her concerns prior to me coming out of the virtual closet, so I took the time to talk about it while showing extreme patience and understanding. Soon enough, she was okay with it, and maybe the same can happen for you (if you’re in the same predicament).
Part Two received some very interesting comments, and now I’m excited to hear from those of you who do not share photos of your female self. Why don’t you share your pictures? Do you ever plan to do it? Why or why not? If you now post pictures but once didn’t, what was keeping you from doing so before?
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Well its like the first time i posted a photo of myself andafter a few days the world didn’t end.. So I posted another.. And so on so after 5 years and thousands of photos and movies… I’m still here.. Kind of pavlovian really.. Conditioned response. Lol.
@ Karren > What movies did you make? Are they online? I’ve only seen your pictures, I found them even before I started blogging, I really like them.
As much as I love posting pictures I can understand the need for NOT posting them as well. I’ve taken some measures to make sure that the place(s) I’ve posted pics are not easily accessible, mostly thanks to the admins at those places.
I don’t even have a flickr or separate facebook account because of this. I ventured out onto twitter but even then, I worry about accidentally mixing them up with my other account, hah.
As much as I’d like to think I look like a girl dressed up, if anyone I knew saw pictures of me, they’d most likely instantly recognize me.
@ Savanna > Yea, the admins work hard to keep certain photos safe. Have you ever thought of testing your theory? I mean, showing a person your photo and seeing if they recognize you.
The first few pictures I took I looked ridiculous I’m sure. It was just me in a dress, no makeup, no wig, nothing. That’s why I didn’t post any at first. Eventually when took pictures that didn’t show my head (I had no wig for a while). Then I got a wig but knew nothing about makeup, so I did what I could, got foundation and caked it on, used some eye liner, but knew nothing about eyeshadow, but still got a couple pictures that weren’t too clear, mainly far away shots that I would resize to be a little smaller so it was harder to see deatils.
Then one day I got an E-mail from someone saying they think they know me, asked if I went to college at the college I went to. I was terrified, even though they said it was cool that we had that in common, so I knew they dressed to. Still I always thought even if someone I know sees my picture they wouldn’t recognize that it was actually me. I never responded to the E-mail, but now I don’t really care. If I get outted, I’m out, no more hiding it. That would make things so much easier.
When I first took some pictures, I too thought I looked ridiculous. The ones that survive (I purged some of them) show me in way too tight and short clothing, body and facial hair galore, and an odd and creepy look on my face. Even though the pictures from my first full dress-up look great, I never considered posting them until this year.
Do you have any way of contacting that person who emailed you ?
Yea, I agree, sometimes being out just makes things much easier
OK, I have very few pictures posted. Why? I have no one to help me take them. I imagine that is a real obstacle for a lot of girls.
And Jessica, I had a few pictures in my laptop and I was careless with labeling them and I was showing some photos of my classic sports car ro a co-worker and inadvertently opened to wrong file! I was instantly mortified! He never recognized me. Whew!
Life is an adventure.
Ellen PS: I sent Petra Beljames a picture earlier this week. It isn’t widely out there, but I think if I had someone to help me photograph myself, I would post a lot more.
Hi Ellen,
Depending on where you are, there are photographers who are professional and willing to hold sessions for TGs. You may already know this, but just in case, I wanted to let ya know.
I had a similar experience…. I had been looking at a photo of Jessica on my smartphone and then put it to sleep. I was in an Electronics store with two of my friends and I unlocked my phone while he was looking at it (he likes the phone)… As soon as the phone resumed there was the picture of me!! I instantly put it back to sleep but I highly doubt that he recognized me…
- Jessica
I live near Binghamton, NY I don’t know anywhere to get photos taken as Ellen. I will persevere in overcoming this obstacle. All of my photographs of Ellen are securely tucked away in an obscure operating system file in my computer. I don’t think a computer geek could find them without a roadmap! No more oops.
I did meet a local CD earlier this week, she needs more photographic training. I need more modeling training.
Ellen
I started out as a CD, I’ve been out in the public eye for almost 5 years now, and over the years have had my picture taken and posted at many TG parties and events, my picture has been in a local newspaper article on a local gay club, and even in a CNN documentary on Susan Stanton but all that made the air was the back of my head. I am TS, out mainstream now, but not full time. I have my own shoulder length blonde highlighted hair; shaped eyebrows, wear women’s jeans, and small hoop earrings even at work. I am missed and maamed out in “drab”, confident and comfortable with who I am. I post few pictures of myself, I have nothing to prove to other people about who I am, or afraid that others will connect to my male ID. I am very happy with who I am, just want to be see in the same light as any average woman and nothing “special” and that is my choice.
Excellent comment, thanks for your insight. You have experienced quite a lot