In part one, you learned about my own reasoning behind posting my pictures online, and what I gained from it. However, I am just one humble crossdresser residing in one gigantic, worldwide closet and there are others who may have different opinions on what it means to share their images with the public.
Here’s an analogy that I came up with, in order to explain to my wife what sharing my images meant to me. It is akin to a hardcore video game player (like myself) taking and subsequently displaying pictures of his or her game and console collection on a message board. As a result, other members will comment and critique the set, and the gamer feels validated. He or she has now earned a kind of respect that doesn’t exist with the same intensity in the outside world.
Insights From the Community
Okay, enough about yours truly, as I suspect you all have a pretty good understanding of my motives. What about the rest of us who are no longer taking refuge in the “virtual closet”? Let’s examine the reasons or lack of reasons that others have shared with me. Do we share our albums just because we are following a trend or is there some deep meaning behind it all? I honestly don’t believe in the “lemming myth“, I know that every one of us has a specific set of reasons for compiling online albums.
I dug up the old post, and displayed it in a printer friendly format so that it would be easier to scan everyone’s replies. Of course, I won’t mention names, but I do want to touch on some common reasons and offer my own insights and opinions. Some answers were quick and fun, while others really reflected in coming up with their response.
You’re So Vain
Unofficially, the top response to this philosophical question was vanity, narcissism, self-confidence and ego boosting. You just want to flaunt your beauty, fashion sense and makeup skills to the rest of the community. I think this is a good representation of the transgendered world, as many of us just want to be seen.
While vanity and narcissism can seem like off-putting words, in this case I don’t think that is the intent. To an extent, I don’t see anything wrong from dressing up and looking in the mirror to see how good you look. Pride can be harmful when taken to the extreme, but there’s nothing wrong with believing in your own beauty.
Complementing the vanity trend, many crossdressers want to receive feedback, either in the form of praise or criticism. Most don’t really mind if they are called ugly, or told that they wouldn’t pass as a woman. Although in our forums the responses are generally positive, from time to time members specifically ask for critiques.
Our Safe Zone
Many of the girls lauded the community aspect of posting pictures, citing that they felt safe in sharing them with others. Pictures allow you to put a face with the name and feel more connected via cyberspace, making the conversations a bit more intimate. By placing a picture on a forum thread or in your avatar, your presence is solidified in the community, which makes a big difference.
There’s an unspoken trust in these forums, one that runs deep and is highly regarded. Not one of us has had it easy with this whole crossdressing business; we understand our common struggles. The pictures act as a rebellion towards society’s rigid standards by contradicting what they say is the norm. Our community grows larger by the day, and it is our sincere hope that more transgendered persons leave the closet, at least online.
Just Because
As I’ve said, not everyone has a deep and introspective reason for sharing their photo albums with the rest of us, and that’s perfectly fine. Crossdressing isn’t supposed to be that serious, anyway, it’s important that we keep the light-heartedness and fun in it. People just want to do something and so they do it, who’s to stop them. The internet allows for a wonderful freedom of expression. This cannot be denied.
One of the replies particularly resonated with me, and I will paraphrase it here:
Being seen is the ultimate form of expression
One more important thing to note is that among the sixty-four replies to my original post, not one person said that they did it because they were trying to attract men or to be found sexy. There would be nothing wrong with that, as I understand the various sexuality identities. I’m noting this because at first glance, those outside of our loop would immediately think this: “These crossdressers must be trying to attract guys”, but we know that this is not usually the case.
Your Turn
Now, it’s your turn to participate in this discussion. If your femme image is out there in cyberspace, why did you choose to do so and what have you gotten out of it? I’m very interested in your responses, as they parallel, intersect or oppose my own.
In Part Three, I will examine why some of us choose not to show our pictures, highlighting the pros and cons of the whole photo sharing arena.
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photo credit: Mario Groleau photo
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Why? A number of reasons – which will no doubt arrive in a stream of consciousness.
I feel that if I don’t post pictures of the event it somehow leaves my blog posts drier than usual. Perhaps there’s a need to say ‘Look, this really did happen’.
Good photos also capture the moment and, to a certain extent, let you relive the past. Ignore the whole trans thing, why do we takes snaps anyway? I mean, look at non-TG people and Flickr or Facebook profiles. There’s lots on there.
From a TG angle, I think that it’s a bit of a mix. Speaking personally, it’s partly wanting to be seen, to be accepted, to hear what people have to say and by no means last, to show that if I can do it – anyone can.
All that said, my Flickr stream is private. I guess I’m not suite ready for hi-res just yet.
@Lynn > I totally understand wanting to be seen, especially when most of us cannot easily leave our sanctuaries to walk around the outside world. So do you only share your online photos with a select few, since your flickr is private?
Great write-up Jessica! My favorite point was in the fact that none of us (or none of us in the online cd community you sited) were dressing up and posting photos to attract men. That gets into the whole “faking them out” garbage that really irritates me (and I’m sure many others). Passing is one thing, but I doubt many of us are trying to fake guys out for attraction purposes.
There’s a high vanity aspect to my own sharing femme-photos, and I make no apologies for that. Vanity is healthy so long as not taken to the extreme, as you also noted. Everyone (with few exceptions) has some vanity, cd or not. It may not always be in their personal appearance, but there is usually something people take pride in showing off to others.
Looking forward to part 3. Great topic to explore!
@Gabrielle > Thanks so much, Gabi. It’s so important that we get the message out that most of us are doing this for our own benefit and not to attract a lover or fling. Yea, vanity is one of the top responses whenever I pose the question, but usually not in a way to make others jealous.
I’ve always tried to take pictures of myself, guy or girl mode. I always thought it would be cool to have 40 years from now. So I could look back and see what I looked like, remember where I was, and how I got to where I am. More than that, when and if I have kids, I want them to see who I was, what I looked like, and where I was. Even now I like to see pictures of my parents when they were my age or younger. After Britney really came to be, I felt that is another part of my life that I think is important to capture to look back on later in life.
As for posting it on the net, I think we initially look for validation, we want to see how people react to us, everyone wants to be complemented and posting our pictures in a cd friendly place is a great place to get that. Even if it isn’t a CD friendly place, I find it interesting to see how people react when they figure it out, if it is negative, it’s really easy on the net to just leave, and that’s the end of it.
I think part of it is also that sometimes I’ll see the pictures and it amazes me that that is actually me. Most of the pictures I ever see are me in guy mode, and it’s just such a big difference when it’s a good picture.
I don’t know, I’ll probably think about it more and come back with more to say. My wife has mentioned in the past that we CD’s are into taking pictures.
@Brit > You raise a great point in wanting to preserve memories and go back. As Gabi has mentioned to me before, crossdressing may be more mainstream and accepted in 40 years, and our kids and grandkids would be in for a treat to see ol’ Abuelo in a dress
Yes, there isn’t as much of a risk on the net if you get a negative response. It’s also fun to see how people react to your pictures.
There is a thread on crossdressers dot com right now featuring cd jokes and most of the punchlines involve pictures.
For me, I have always hated my self image. Pictures are just ugh no matter what I do. So I think I feel the need to be validated, affirmed, complimented and I feel guilty because of it, because it’s Pride/vanity.
For the same reason I have desires to get “out” and pictures allow me to continue to stay at home but still feel validated.
Don’t feel guilty Savanna, it’s okay to want to feel validated and get compliments on your look. Pictures do allow us to be out without ever leaving the house, which is cool.
> So do you only share your online photos with
> a select few, since your flickr is private?
Yes as I feel more visible on the Internet than I do when I go out. It’s a strange double standard, but there you go
I’ve got photos on my blog and some on Roses (TV forum), but the hi-res ones are in my Flickr stream. That’s restricted to just friends, although I did keep the photo shoot ones open for a while as my blog linked back to them.
Well, we need to become flickr friends, don’t we
?
A brilliant topic, to say the least.
Two separate questions: why we take pictures and why we post them.
I don’t think I am alone in saying that when I wear women’s clothes I am trying to create the woman that the male side of me is attracted to. And every time I manage that feat, I am amazed, and want to capture her, maybe as proof I could do it, or maybe simply to be able to transport myself to that state just by looking at the photo. Also, as Brit said, it’ll be great to have these pics in 30 years. And darn if that girl in the mirror or in those photos doesn’t turn me on!
Posting the photos serves several purposes. First, as part of an online community of t-girls, I find that those whom I cannot see tend not to interest me as much as those I can see. The ones with photos just seem more real, and frankly, their willingness to show themselves demonstrates a certain self-confidence and commitment and truth. (Still, of course, it’s what they have to say that matters most.) I assume people look at me the same way.
Second, I hate to destroy your perfect record, but I love it when people (of any gender) find me sexy! I doubt I’d ever go out on a date with someone who went gaga over my photo, but at least theoretically, it’s a nice thought!
Third, like everyone else, I think we share so that people who are interested and of like mind can find each other.
Fourth, I do think some people post their photos as a sort of passive way to out themselves. People who know the consequences but are tired of hiding feel better now that they’ve exposed themselves, and if they’re caught, well… at least the lying’s over.
Last, I think there’s a certain amount of feeling stifled. You go to all that trouble to get dressed, and then you have to hide in your home. You put in all that effort, you figure you might as well at least remember what came of it so you take a photo. But that too is stuck in a box, just like you are. Those are the kinds of feelings that impelled me to go out as a girl, but an even easier way to break out of those boxes is to post online.
Love your blog! Janie
Thanks Janie,
So true about wanting to capture that beautiful woman in the mirror that we work so hard to make appear. I’m amazed every time I go through the transformation as I look completely different from my male self. I also agree with the person seeming more real if they have a photo, that is why I wanted to start sharing my photos on my blog, so that I wouldn’t come across as some kind of hypocrite who doesn’t follow his/her own advice.
I was waiting for someone to tell me that they love when others find them sexy, because I knew they were out there somewhere. Kudos for admitting it and being proud, I think that is very respectable. There’s nothing wrong with that and I’m glad that you are able to get good thoughts from that, you are sexy, girl
!
Pictures can be a way to out yourself, and once you have them in multiple places (phone, laptop, digi camera) it becomes less of a concern that someone will find them. Truthfully speaking, I do want more of my family and friends to know, life is too short to worry about whether or not someone accepts you, as I have learned the hard way. This lesson wasn’t TG related but it is definitely something that I will be blogging about at some point here or on my other blog.
Yes, you’re right about going through so much trouble to get ready to just walk from the couch to the fridge to the computer, lol. It SUCKS! At least with pictures in forums, you feel that you are socializing, after all, the internet is the new media.
My sincere gratitude for your compliments and for taking the time to not only read and analyze my article, but also to write such an intelligent and detailed comment. I look forward to speaking with you more, and feel free to post my article in any forum, message board or social networking site that you use.
- Jessica
When I go on holiday I take lots of pics to keep the memories alive and to show my friends and family.
I’ve had some great adventures as ‘Angie’, but who can I tell about them? My children would be hurt; my friends would probably disown me. So I stick ‘em on my blog to share with the few who know the truth and hope that, somewhere out there in cyberspace, someone else will find them and leave a nice comment or two. Who knows… they might even become friends too.
Exactly, blogging is a superb way of expressing yourself and sharing your experiences with others. Love your blog by the way, great pictures sweetie
i post my picture pretty much just cause i like to hear what people have to say. good or bad. it doesnt matter. i just want to hear there opinions.
oddly peoples opinions and the things they say is also the exact reason i dont crossdress in public. the bad feedback just seems a lot worse when you hear it in person than it does just reading it online. but the good feedback is much more gratifieing in person as well. its a bit of double edge sword.
so my reasons are simply to get a responce. does that make sense?
Yea, it’s really great to get feedback about your pictures. Positive or negative, at least you get some kind of reaction, I suppose it’s better than indifference.
I agree with the things you’ve mentioned Jessica, and the other posters too.
Just having a camera was enough to get me started. When I saw “Cassie” laugh in a video I felt like it was genuine, and that I hadn’t felt like that in a long time.
I also thought maybe a crossdressing blog would get some hits, even if my pics came out badly. I do it for me but do like any compliments I might get. I’m such a nerd.
Thanks for following BTW : )
I post other videos online but I knew that crossdressing vids would get some views… even bad videos.
Posting pics and videos is Fun for me! I’m not really sure why.
I’m still kinda new at this. I just know I like it!
Thanks for the insight Jessica : )
Cassie…
Hi Cassie,
Thanks for dropping by and leaving some great input, I also filmed myself “en femme” while at Be-All and I noticed when I laughed that I looked so natural, I love watching it.
Where are your videos? I couldn’t find them on your blog?
Jessica
To me its kind of simple, I live in a plece (Mexico) where its not easy to access CD friendly places, so posting pictures seems like the only window to the world. on the other hand, if you like tunned cars… well its a close example, you tune your car so the other enthusiast see your work, same here, you try your best to look pretty so others who share same intrests can see your work. i hope I was not to confusing.
Hi Izza
Thanks for your comment and great comparison.
I find that being out on the Internet is a more difficult decision than going out in person. Sure, you may have a bad experience, but once it’s over, it’s over (apart from the memories). The Internet lives forever.
I think most people forget that, and post pictures without much fear as a ’safe’ way to come out.
You’re right about that, even if you decide to take the pictures down, they are likely cached, saved on computers and in the internet way back machine.
The internet is very impersonal as you can tune out whatever it is you do not like or to tune in what you do like.
Your audience either agrees or disagrees.
Since the audience is actually impersonal, not really knowing them at all, it is much easier to come out on the internet as there is much less chance of ridicule and harassment since you do not have to actually face the person.
However, in a public place when there are people around, there is always that chance that you can be confronted face to face with someone. And, if you are newly out and in public, you may not be ready for what may happen.
The internet is a portal and posting pictures of ourselves is actually somewhat of a natural thing is because we want people to see us as we really are, and it is a safe environment to come out in.
I agree, it is a much easier decision to post a picture than to venture outside.
Sorry for jumping in to comment so late!
I post photos and do a free website for two reasons. First of all, it motivates me to continue to improve my presentation by keeping my creativity level high. It exercises my appearance, mannerisms, movement, etc.
No, I’m not that concerned about passing as a woman, either in photos or when I’m out in public. It’s more about aligning my outer appearance with the way I feel on the inside.
And secondly, I take online communication with others very seriously and believe that putting a “face” to the words that appear on a computer screen is very important. I put myself out there in hopes that others will too. It also gives those who see me the opportunity to run like the wind if they don’t like what they see
No worries about jumping in now
! These posts are always open for discussion and everyone’s opinion is valued here. Your comments about creativity definitely stand out, I like that you use your pictures and website as a way to keep you focused on your femme side.
The online communication aspect is also huge. We all know how disappointing it is when a forum or chat friend has no profile picture.
Jessica, I’ve been a member on CD.com since August ‘05. Noticed your post in the Writer’s Society section today, and, curious, came to have a look at your site. You’ve really put it together nicely; well done!
As mentioned, I’ve been on CD.com for quite awhile. Yet I agonized over actually posting my photo there for a long time. The safety of anonymity, and fear of someone I knew seeing it and recognizing me, was my stumbling block.
Ultimately, I overcame that fear. Why? Because I wanted other members to know I was “for real”, and to put a face with the name. I’ve always been more willing to open up and share my thoughts and feelings with others to whom I could relate, based on an image in my head; that of a real person, whose experiences and emotions were akin to my own.
It wasn’t a sense of vanity or seeking compliments in my case; simply a desire to participate as a member of the community.
Thanks for being such an intregral, and inspirational, part of that community.
Thank you Rebecca Lynne, I appreciate the compliment.
You echo the wonderful sentiment of many, and that is a stronger community. The internet allows anonymity, yet we share our avatars because we want the person on the other side of the monitor to get a glimpse of us in order to feel a little bit closer in this world. Excellent comment