This post is probably going to be, well, for lack of a better term, depressing. That’s because I really wanted to deal with this topic for the sake of helping others who experience the same.
Depression is not fun. It is more than just a bad mood, depression makes you withdraw from your loved ones and takes away your motivation, which causes you to fall further into it. A horrible cycle begins and before you know it you find yourself shutting down.
I had my first encounters with depression back in college and they were not all trans related. There were several issues that I was dealing with back then, but I think my biggest problem was not finding an effective way to break myself out of the slump.
There was therapy, but a counselor can only do so much. I received advice but didn’t follow through, prolonging my misery. Living alone certainly didn’t help, but before I knew, my wife and I met. Since then, I hadn’t experience any long bouts with depression until recently.
So many changes were happening in our lives and I felt that I was going full speed 24 hours a day. Taking a vacation with family was nice, but I also think that somehow it hindered my progress.
So how are crossdressing and depression related? Well, first off, I believe that supressing your feminine side can be a catalyst. Many crossdressers deny themselves or are not out to anyone so it can be difficult to not only dress but also discuss and deal with it. The backlash can be quite devastating.
Beyond the clothes, if you shun who you truly are, you may find yourself in a terrible state. This isn’t to say that your trans issues should always be at the forefront of your life, that’s not only unfeasible but also pointless. There is much more to life than gender, although we do focus on it frequently.
What can you do if you are feeling depressed or even worse? Counseling and medication can be an answer for some, but there are other measures that you can take in order to feel better.
One of the most curious aspects of depression is that it causes you to isolate yourself from those around you when you really should be spending even more time with people. You can also suffer from a lack of interest in daily activities, even in things that normally bring you a lot of joy.
While I feel better now, I know that I was depressed for way too long. So, what can you do if you think you are in the middle of depression? Here are some measures that I take, perhaps they can be of use to you as well.
- Turn to God
- Support from SO / friends / family
- Pamper yourself
- Eat some ice cream
- Watch your favorite movie
Are we more likely to be depressed because we are crossdressers or transgendered? Perhaps. The external and internal pressures to conform to gender stereotypes can be too much to handle at times. In addition, repression can lead to depression. Denial is a quick fix, like slapping a band-aid on a bathtub leak. Eventually, that seal is going to break and everything is going to gush out.
By turning to what supports you, you can become stronger and get yourself out of that extended rut.
JessicaWhoHD
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Jessica,
I went through all the denial, purges etc in my younger days and yes it can be depressing.
One thing I have found is that I have had to really look at myself which I think is really scary for a lot of people I know it has been for me.
Since I’ve been getting outside presenting as female my confidence has improved vastly.
I am not out to family and friends at home, there is no point.
Friends I have made in the TG community have been fantastic and supported me through some tough times, not TG related as such, that I’ve had to deal with. I feel being transgender has on the whole been a real positive in my life and helped me become a stronger person for want of a better way of putting it.
Karen xx
Hi Karen,
So great to read about your life, I am very happy for you. Thanks for sharing
It is, I feel, a complicated subject and you make some very interesting points (if I can say that
)
Are we prone to depressive behaviour because it (depression) is in someway chemically linked to who we are and how we behave? Or, do we fall under these black clouds because we don’t indulge / neglect our true path?
To be honest though, if we did know the answers: would it stop the black clouds rolling in? Maybe it’s more a case of finding what works for you and using that to battle through it.
Thanks Lynn, of course you can say that
.
You’re right, even if we could find the cause, I’m sure it wouldn’t be a cure-all.
Great insight.
Life is full of ups and downs,Joy and sadness.CD or not CD? That is much more than just a single question We all suffer some degree of depression.Its not easy to com out of a depressed state. Dressing can be seen as a joy despite the fears that being a CD involves. Most of us feel sad and depressed when we undress and go back to our male self. So do real women when the ball is over and its romance disappears. As CDs we can become even more depressed than a real girl does when looking good in the mirror and we see our beauty is no longer part of reality However all of humankind have phantasies and dreams that can become part of a reality that can be bought forward at times. Those dreams and phantasies we live out when gone back to so called normal are indeed most depressing untll the fears are gone ? The joys
of being enfemme eventually arise out of our depression when the time needs and desires reawakens !
Joanna;
A CD for 60 years
Thanks for the wonderful comment, Joanna.
I haven’t suffered severe depression, but someone very close to me has, so I thinks I can empathize. And though tg life can be fun at times, as a breed we’re prone to bouts of depression.
I wholeheartedly agree with your five ‘measures’, and in the same order.
Hugs,
Angie
Thanks, Angie. I also tend to think that as a community we are more prone to depression because of all the pressures we face.
As a GG I have suffered from some severe bouts of depression. I believe “studies” show that women are more prone to it than men. Do you think that CDers could be more prone to it as well because they have a strong femme side, that as many write it is not a choice but is wired in their personality. It is not a flaw of a CDer. Depression is a chemical problem in the brain. I think just like exercise releases the “feel good” chemicals in the brain, so does dressing for the CDer. I know my SO gets cranky if he doesn’t. I say dress up and feel better, it doesn’t always have to be all out and perfect. My guy just likes to come home at the end of the day and throw on a comfy casual cotton dress and some cute flat to relax and do what ever he needs to do around the house or to sit and watch TV. Feel better.
Excellent point.
Thanks, Lynnd
Hi Jessica
First thank you for an very interesting and provocative blog site. I only recently found it but have added you to my blog-roll and hope, along with many others to visit often.
I would like to take a different viewpoint to those expressed above and your own in that (fortunately) I have never been seriously depressed in my life. I have a very short-term memory which has serious disadvantages for planning and looking forward, but it also means I don’t retain the bad things in life, which perhaps helps in that respect.
I generally like a quiet life with a certain amount of spontaneous nervous energy and crossdressing has provided that. It has provided an excitement outlet especially over the last 7 years since I came out to my wife following which I have managed to ‘get out’ at fairly regular intervals, with or without my wife and on occasion get to spend time together at home.
Yes, I have pressures, yes I have stress; but these are generally in other areas of my life and I find crossdressing helps relieve that stress.
I don’t dress too often, maybe 2,3,4 times a month. I have no great need to dress more than that although I have enjoyed it when it has been more frequent. I suspect for the most part, any depression associated with dressing is with those that are unable to live as they wish, be they TS or simply CD but unable to do so.
I wonder if there are many out there like myself, that are just a Happy Tranny (UK).
Hugs
TinaCortina xx
Hello Tina
What a wonderful comment, you seem to have things going very well for you! That’s so great to hear
. Also, thanks for the kind words. I think I would find a great balance if I dressed about 4 or 5 times a month, but at my current rate it’s more like once a month so things have been a little rough.
One of my biggest goals right now is to be able to find that balance in my life.
Jessica
What a post to land on as I’m waiting for my wife to finish work at 11pm at night. (you may have noticed a few comments on other posts too tonight…)
Phew, I struggled with depression many years ago, though I’m not quite sure if it was trans related. Perhaps part of it is the suppression of who we are (conscious or unconscious) that leads to other destructive behaviors.
It’s been a hard slog to accept myself for who I am – to the point where being Vanessa can lift me up when I’m down. Talking to my wife, walking in nature and yoga are all common techniques I use when I’m feeling the blues.
Okay, lovely wife just called, logging off for the night.
Hugs,
Vanessa
Yes, thanks for the great comments Vanessa
My regret from this past depression is that I rejected everything that would potentially make me feel better. I must learn to do the opposite so that I don’t stay depressed for long.