I just realized yesterday that it has been almost two months since I last dressed! Why is that, you may wonder? Well, as you know, I’ve been really busy and stressed recently, and unfortunately Jessica had taken a back seat among my priorities.
Whenever I go without getting dolled up for an extended period of time (like over two weeks), I begin a weird cycle of emotional responses.
The Phases
Around the two week mark, I become increasingly irritable and cranky without knowing it. This is definitely the worst part of not dressing for me. It’s not that I can’t function, but I lose patience and find myself constanlty irked.
After that phase, I sometimes go into some sort of trans-hibernation, where I either don’t think about dressing up or simply ignore any thoughts of it. I was discussing this oddity to my wife and told her that I’ll sometimes think, “Hey, I guess I’m not a crossdresser after all”. We both laughed when I said that, because we both know how untrue that statement is.
I think that part of “the cycle” is so strange. Here I am, comfortable being myself, yet when I don’t participate in crossdressing for a long time, it becomes an afterthought. When it does pop into my mind, I simply dismiss it as something that I don’t really need to do. However, this is a very dangerous thing to do, because some time after the ignoring comes the worst.
Once it’s been over a month since dressing, things really get dark for me. My crabbiness can either turn to cynicism, withdrawal or even full blown depression. It’s almost as if my mind is sending an SOS like “Dude, put on a dress or you’re gonna go crazy!!”.
Here’s where the phonebooth photo comes into play
Look, I know that crossdressing is not always going to be the center of my life and I know that over the years I most likely will go through similar droughts. That’s just how it is, and I understand that I can’t always partake in what makes me happy. I think the trick is finding a way to cope in between those fun sessions of dressing up.
I’d say that the worst thing to come out of these hibernations, as it were, is me neglecting my grooming. Specifically, my leg hair will become what appears to be a forest of brown barbed-wire and my eyebrows, well, let’s not even go there 
. When I do jump into the proverbial phonebooth only to emerge as Jessica five hours later, I’ll be happy and excited to be back.
So, I’m interested to know how you deal with your extended absences from dressing, if any. I know we’ve discussed this before, but as always your comments are appreciated.
JessicaWhoHD
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
I actually have a rhythm in my dressing, not so much week to week but season to season. For the majority of the year I don’t dress at all. Some time in the late fall and again just before spring, I have a long weekend of dressing. I always go all out on these weekends, waxing, mani pedi, sometime I build events around them like pro photo shoots or a wedding.
During the off season is when I get to plan my next big dressing event. Planning it is sometimes as fun as the event itself. Some of this stems from the fact that I am not out with my dressing and this way I don’t have to explain my shaved legs during shorts season. But another part of it is I don’t feel the need to dress up so often. It is a very special thing for me and I like to do it up right. When I first lived alone I soon discovered a lot of dressing up was too much and it was losing its appeal. Too much of a good thing.
I’m sure everyone is different though. If you don’t dress for a while, no big deal. If you dress up daily that’s OK too.
I think that is so cool how you plan those big events, including the wedding. Sounds like you have reached a great internal balance that many of us strive for.
Jessica, we definitely have this in common. After I got married in 2005, even though it was to a wonderfully accepting spouse, I only dressed maybe once a year. Part of it was a lack of desire due to a lot of increased weight I had put on and I wasn’t feeling “pretty” any longer. Part of it was just my fear of letting my new wife see me in girl mode for the first time.
That changed early this year after I lost a lot of weight and the desire came back really strongly. The wife was a trooper and helped with shopping and such, then offered to do my makeup, seeing Kristi for the first time. She just wishes I didn’t have to shave as she likes my hairy legs. lol
Since then, if I don’t get to dress at least once a month, I can tend to get a bit “crabby” and withdrawn. The whole concept then becomes an afterthought as well. Thoughts of “it takes too much time” or “I’m really not in the mood” prevail. But once I go into that phonebooth and come back out again, the excitement is definitely back and it’s like I’ve found my calm, serene, chewy-nougat center of zen.
I can relate to finding excuses for not dressing, it sucks. Having a supportive wife is so important to being able to dress consistently. Thanks for sharing, great comment
Your observations on the maintenance part are hilarious. Just so much like me. My natural eyebrows are a sight to behold.
Thanks Shandy,
I’ve noticed that my moods and my dressing can be coorelated. I never get to a point of depression though. There have been times that I didn’t dress for months and it didn’t bother me. Then there were times when I wanted to dress everyday. It’s just a random thing with me. But I do know the joy of dressing!!
Sometimes it can be random with me as well, but then there are times when I might not feel like dressing that much but know I should so I don’t get back into this bad cycle.
For most of my life I went though long droughts, especially when dating or when I was married. I never attributed my aggression or anger to these droughts, but then again I was in a space where I felt my cross dressing was a sick perverted activity.
However, after I came out to my very supportive girlfriend, the droughts narrowed down to maybe a day until now, I dress everyday, even at work but get more girly upon returning home. I dont consider myself a crossdresser but moving more towards transsexual and I defintely want hormones – but when the time is right – maybe this year?
I can relate to what you and the others have commented about crankiness. I’ve been there. But, why not be happy? Life is too short – we really don’t know when we will pass from this world – we cannot assume we will live to old age…. so why not be happy now – live life to it’s fullest – dress, pamper yourselves! Be who you are.
Wonderful advice; I’m happy that you have supportive girlfriend and are being true to yourself.
Since I retired back in 04′ I’ve been on a pretty constant roll of dressing daily, at least wearing some panties under my guy stuff. I’ve been lucky enough to have had the opportunity to travel to Maui and stay in a pal’s condo when he is traveling the South Pacific. Most of those trips are solo, the bride does not go. She knows I need Kathy time and she knows that I spend loads of my solo Maui time being Kathy. The trips usually last a couple weeks and I really get re-charged being able to be Kathy whenever I chose. I don’t go out dressed as I’m a prisoner of my facial hair, which wifey demands I retain. She knows I won’t go out as Kathy that way. But, I do usually wear lingerie under my guy shorts and shirts while I’m there. And I’ve taken to shaving legs, chest and underarms while I’m there.
Now, when I’ve not been to Maui for a while, say more than a few months between trips I find that I do get into a funk and can become crabby and hard to deal with. My wife knows what is going on and she actively encourages me to take advantage of the free condo, knowing that I”ll return a much happier guy.
Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Wow, that’s really cool, the condo and trips and everything, sounds like a terrific setup.
When you mentioned phonebooths, the theme to Superman started to play in my head.
I think the ‘need’ to dress does vary. Sometimes – often the summer – the want to do it, just fades away. It’s ironic in that there are times in our lives when we want it to stop, yet when the stop comes, we then miss it. I guess we’re just fickle
Still, if you’re coming back to dressing again, it can be quite enjoyable to de-thatch and emerge from the bath (almost) a new person.
Yea, I was thinking of superman when I wrote that, good catch
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I agree that we can be fickle, but once you return it’s oh so rewarding.
Hi Jessica
I’ve just followed this from the related post about depression. As I said there, my dressing is fairly regular but there are droughts, eg maybe when kids return from holidays or for that matter when we are away.
I’m not sure I get especially grumpy, but my wife does like to ‘reward me’ sometimes if I’ve not been able to dress, which is quite nice.
I think it is like the rest of life though. You may go through a period of months when you are so busy that you are away or organised every single weekend. To have a few weeks off then is absolute bliss but eventually you feel like getting back to it. All life’s activities have their rhythms.
Hugs TinaCortina xx
Wow, your wife rewarding you is so amazing! .
So True!
So true!
There are some disadvantages eg You tend to dress (at home) only when she is ‘in the mood’ which means that sometimes I feel like I ‘ought to say yes’ even when I don’t feel like it. Its that or she just might not invite me the next time! Or, I might feel that she is almost treating me as a child, by giving me a treat for being a ‘good boy (or girl!)! But I can’t knock her for that of course, and the pluses far outweigh the minuses!!
Tina x
Interesting. Yes, the pluses outweigh the minuses
Haha, nothing like beating back the bush of leg hair after a long hibernation. I have the same experience – after a few weeks without crossdressing I get really cranky. The inverse is true for me too. After a day or weekend dressed I’m positively dancing in the clouds.
Hehe, yep. When it’s been a while since last dressing, I sometimes forget how great it does feel.
Really enjoyed the blogs here – first time on the site, what a great support group here…bi married, dressed for many years, closeted except with other married CD’s.
I’m also a bicyclist – good reason to keep the legs and chest shaved smooth all the time, this way even though I don’t dress all the time, the smooth silky skin reminds me of my true inner self.
Thanks!
Thanks Lisa!
I appreciate your kind comment
ive gone as long as a year without dressing and i too think,hmmmmm maby im over it. but somehow some thing always triggers the desire to dress,and i start over for a while.i used to purge my closet every time i went a few months without dressing thinking im done with it but that gets real expensive.after doing this a few times i relized i can just pack my feminine things away for a while cuz now i know im always gonna go back to it so why bother to purge.its true about how great it feels to restart dressing,its like comming home from a long trip.very nice feeling.