I was feeling a bit down in the dumps the other day as I was busy packing up my belongings in preparation for our move to Florida. For an entire week, I was separated from my wife, as she had to be at school. As an admitted introvert, I relish my alone time for the most part but sometimes it can get a bit depressing and lonely.
In attempt to reach out to friends and family, I began posting updates on my *gasp* male facebook page. Whenever I log in, I can see what everybody’s up to on my home page, and I always see replies to these posts. However, I noticed that nobody was responding to what I was writing!
At first I thought that it was a fluke, so I began writing more in the hopes that someone would respond and interact with me. Still nothing. I wondered why my family and friends were ignoring me and my life updates. Sure, I wasn’t traveling the globe nor was I announcing a baby on the way, but I was still alive! Am I that ordinary to these people?
Facebook’s main purpose is to help people make friends while staying in touch with existing loved ones, yet nobody on my list was bothering to communicate with me. Perhaps it’s my own fault, as I sometimes tend to fall out of touch with people in my life. However, what if it’s not?
This got me thinking about transvestites in general and whether or not some of the motivation behind getting dolled up in a beautiful dress and makeup is driven by the need to feel unique. Personally, I’ve always considered myself quite the eccentric because of my transvestism, ethnic background and blend of interests and talents; but maybe, to those that don’t know the drag queen side of me, I’m just an average Joe.
Indeed, a common trait among crossdressers is the ability to blend in with the rest of society. Many of us are family men, dependable employees or bosses, great friends and everyday guys. I hesitate to say “normal men” because that would imply some abnormality, but I think you catch my drift.
The psychology of crossdressing is of course more complex than this but I wonder how much feeling boring has to do with it. In my interactions with others I’ve noted more than one crossdresser mentioning that to everyone else they were just the guy next door. Is there any part of you that blurs the gender lines just to be different, extraordinary or crazy?
Of all times I’ve come out to someone, the most common response was not “Are you gay?” but instead “Wow, I would have never guessed” … maybe that says something about me.
Either I’m looked upon as the straight and narrow, boring and quiet guy who keeps to himself and is generally uninteresting or perhaps I’m just so macho that nobody would ever guess that I had such a strong feminine side. I would venture to say that it isn’t the latter, but the former seems a bit harsh. I suppose that I’ll have to call my inner-circle and ask some prying questions of my own. Stay tuned 
There is one thing that I am sure of: if my family and friends (that don’t know about Jessica) do think I’m ordinary, I bet they’d change their opinion once they did find out. I wonder how many responses I would get if I came out in a facebook update!
Whaddaya think? Should I try it …. nah, I’m just kidding.
photo credit: Foot Slogger
Loading ...
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I feel the same way sometimes, I’ll post something, and get no replys, when some people I know post the same garbage they always post, “_____ is” (that’s it) and people respond to that.
That’s exactly what I’m talking about, they’ll post the most mundane things but get like 10 comments and such … it’s a bit frustrating
That’s an intriguing theory, although I don’t think it applies in my own case. I’ve long had a reputation for being a bit of a nutter, which I think helped me be open about my own CDing pretty much from the very beginning – I think everyone just saw it as my latest ploy for attracting attention, shocking people, and generally being “weird”; and didn’t give me too much grief over it as a consequence. I will say, though, that if I go too long without wearing something feminine, androgynous or simply bright and colourful, my self-esteem starts to suffer, for I feel like I’m becoming just another grey, anonymous, boring guy: the sort of man you’d have forgotten about within five seconds of seeing him (that was, if you’d even noticed him at all).
I can definitely relate to that. When I go too long without dressing, I get a big case of the blahs.
I’ve typically made all the “right” decisions in my life, so maybe that’s why people ignore me lol
I think you may be onto something here, at least for a segment of us tgirls. It’s so difficult to generalize across the spectrum but i’d venture to say there are more of us like you and I (ie introverted and “ordinary”, heaven forebid) than not. It’s the tip of the iceberg that is otherwise extroverted enough to be “comfortably out”, or downright flamboyant. The rest of us go on with our lives of quiet desperation (think of the headless torso people, or those who havent even ventured onto the internet) and occasionally take a walk on the wild (ie, pretty) side. For myself, the more i go out as Demi the more i want to keep a reign on the other part of me so as not to cast suspicion. Not very illuminating im afraid, as to me it’s all so very complicated whatever our ways and means. But i like your observations here.
Thanks for your input Demi, I’m glad that I am not alone in this type of thinking. It was actually just something that I was pondering for a few days, and you’re right when you mention the “headless torsos”
Quiet doesn’t always mean boring just as much as loud doesn’t always equate to interesting. There, there’s my fortune cookie line for the day
Without wanting to sound like a kiss-ass, average isn’t a word I’d use to describe you or this blog.
Not sure about the angle on us dressing to be unique. But… there’s that weird thing where we follow fashion (to a point) but equally, we try not to look exactly like everyone else. It’s a funny world isn’t it.
Exactly, but a lot of people don’t understand that. Many assume that because I’m quiet that I’m just not interesting or exciting, part of it is that I take a while to warm up to people. I keep myself guarded in that sense.
Thanks for complimenting my blog, I appreciate it
, you’re so kind.
It is a funny world, so many try to be unique but without going too far outside of the boundaries, it’s quite perplexing.
In part, that’s why I tried to (unsuccessfully) get out of facebook (that thing is like the Hotel California). No one of my friends, who I know in real life, posted comments on my updates. And when I “deleted” the account, I started to get e-mails from these same people asking what the hell happened, that they enjoyed (?) my posts. Jim Morrison said it: people are strange.
If your life is TOO normal you are not interesting enough to get even a simple “hello, how are you”.
And while that account was deleted, I’ve been told that my name and some data is still active.
Yea, facebook is weird about deleting accounts.
But, yes, what you experienced is what I’m going through, I wonder what would happen if I deleted my account
Is there any part of you that blurs the gender lines just to be different, extraordinary or crazy?
Interesting question. First let me say, from reading your post you are not just ordinary. But let me pose the next question, perhaps as devil’s advocate (please don’t be offended, I am a very supportive GGfriend). If you choose to dress to be different or extraordinary, then why do you choose something that seemingly needs to remain so private? I am going to guess many CDers will say it is not a choice it is part of who they are. And as a GGfriend I find that anything but ordinary, it is fun and fascinating, so much more than the guy next door.
Thanks, Lynnd. I’m not offended at all
, don’t worry. As far as being transgendered, I feel that I was born this way. However, in the rest of my life, I think that I am pretty extraordinary, not sure what everyone else thinks 
.
I appreciate your comment
I was as bland as unbuttered toast for 40-plus years. But when the CD thing started to overwhelm me almost two years ago, I started moving toward more androgyny in my male life. I wear very bright clothes now, and keep my nails unusually long. Soon I may have pierced ears. I’ve become more gregarious as the female rides closer to the surface. It’s a kind of stealth integration, I guess. I suspect people would not be as surprised by my secret life now.
Lol, nice analogy. My increasing comfort with my transgendered nature has allowed me to more easily express myself even while not dressed, just as you say (bright clothes, earrings, etc). It is a nice change from repressing everything
If I can be blunt, ultimately if you’re being true to your inner self, why care about what reaction you’re eliciting?
Exactly, I completely agree. I just feel a bit sad when my friends, fraternity brothers and cousins just ignore my updates, it makes me feel even more distant
I agree, Jessica. I also agree with Miss K — so much of who we are seems to be tied in with what others THINK we are. We (all) need to just BE – live in the now, as they say. If we are truthful with ourselves, the rest of society be “darned” (trying to keep this entry “Family Friendly” ~~giggle~~).
So true