Sharing with my cousin that I am transgendered was probably more difficult than sharing with anyone else. I don’t say this as a knock against him, but most of the other people that I told were at least somewhat knowledgeable on the subject of gender expression and identity.
This presented a challenge to me like never before; I not only told him that I was a crossdresser, but I also had to explain what that meant exactly. During the course of our conversation he asked about the possible causes of it. Was it my rocky relationship with my father, was it stress caused by school, or perhaps it was brought about by general unhappiness.
For the first time in a while, I began wondering why I crossdressed . . .
It wasn’t that I felt like I had to justify my transgendered nature, but it never hurts to get a bit more instrospective sometimes. Usually, I just move forward in my life and dress up whenever I have the time and the desire, hardly ever considering what drives me to it.
There I was, though, with one of the few male figures in my life that I admire and look to for advice and support, trying to find the words that would adequately describe me. I’ve gotta tell you, it was very difficult. The anxiety of how he was reacting combined with the pressure to actually form cohesive sentences was a bit much, but luckily for me he showed nothing but love and patience.
You’re Not Gay, Are You?
Wouldn’t you know, for the first time someone asked if I crossdressed because I was gay. Well, he didn’t so much blurt it out, but he did ask questions to see how I identified sexually. Of course, I told him that while some crossdressers are gay, I am not. We then briefly went into how sexuality and gender identity are two completely separate entities. I know that this can be tough to comprehend and I could sense his confusion, so I didn’t dwell on it too much.
Dad / Mom Issues?
Without getting too detailed, my father and I haven’t had a stable relationship ever since I became a teenager. My cousin is fully aware of this, having gone through most of it with me, and his second reaction was that my dad may have “messed me up pretty badly”. I calmly stated that because my crossdressing started as a child when my father and I were inseparable, I was sure that this wasn’t the cause. Maybe, he wondered, it was because I am really close to my mother.
As that hour passed, I was able to tell him about the dream that started it all, the numerous counseling sessions, and the others who already knew about Jessica. Through it all, I couldn’t come up with a definitive answer to the question of why I crossdressed.
Who Knows?
Similar to the tootsie pop commercial, “the world may never know” why some men dress up as women. We discussed the DNA theory and the possibly elevated estrogen levels, but I made sure to tell him that while I didn’t have a definitive answer, it doesn’t matter because I am completely confident in and happy with myself.
Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? I’ve accepted myself as transgendered, I’m happy with it, and slowly but surely those in my life are coming to terms with it through my wonderous tell-all conversations 
.
This will surely not be the last time a loved one asks the infamous and possibly unsolvable question — “Why do you crossdress?”; and by the same token, I will surely never have a valid response, nor will I ever need one.
So, how about you? How often, if ever, do you ponder the cause of your need to cross / bend / shift / break gender lines? Does the answer really matter to you, and if so, why? Do you think that, if by some grace of God or stroke of luck, you were to be enlightened it would change how you live your life?
I’m pretty sure that it wouldn’t change how I live, so for the foreseeable future I’ll be content to answer the question “Why do you dress up like a girl?” with “Because I do”.
photo credit: back_garage
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
> “Because I do”.
Stick to that. There’s no better explanation
Thanks, Miss K
I do it because I like to. It’s fun and I just feel good when I dress at any level.
It is very fun and makes me feel great too
Jessica,
How was life created? No one really knows. But life, indeed, exists. I have often questioned the why of it, generally when I get into some sort of pickle over it.
Then I discovered the word “transgendered”! Why there are two of me! It seems to me that when I am Ellen, that is who I am, the rest of the time it is the other, male, me. It is almost as if there are two people living in the same body struggling for position. The issue of dominance seems to be over gender identity. If Ellen were to win, I would need to transition and leave the need the cross dress behind. It does not look like that will happen, so the actual why is still a need to know.
If you ever have that epiphany, let us know.
Ellen
Hi Ellen, if I ever find out, I will surely post it here
I’ve thought about why I crossdress a few times in the past and all the various things that go along with that train of thought. I started dressing real young… I think it was somewhere around 7 or 8 if not earlier. I hid it from my parents and everyone else but I was caught by my mom once. The talk I was given by my parents after that wasn’t even really a talk… it was more of a passing comment of “don’t touch your mom’s stuff” and that was that. So why did I start and why do I still do it? I don’t know and I don’t really care. I’ve come to accept it and not think about it much. If other people have a problem with it; that is their problem. I am still in the closet to family, co-workers, and most friends. My wife knows and supports as do a few of my friends. If I was discovered then it would be a bit of a troubled time but in the end at least I wouldn’t have to hide it anymore!
Good point, at least you wouldn’t have to hide it
!
Because it’s part of who I am. I enjoy getting all dressed up and going out with friends. There are far worse ways to spend an evening!
So true, Lynn
It’s an interesting question, and yes, I do think about it quite a bit. Well, in my case, I think about “transgenderism” rather than cross dressing, but you know. One of the things that is becoming more and more “interesting” to me, though, is not THAT we question ourselves… but WHY we question ourselves. At the end of the day, I am who I am, and I am fine with that. There are a lot of other people (counselors and therapists included) who really seem to want to get to the root of the problem, though, don’t they?
I guess the first issue I have is that we even see it as a problem. How often do you think a “normal” man ever questions why he wears only pants, or a “normal” woman questions why she wears makeup? We are convinced that we are not “normal,” so we are compelled to try to identify the root cause. Interestingly, I imagine there really isn’t any one root cause. My guess is that there are as many different reasons as there are plotpoints on the gender spectrum.
For my money, I would like to be part of a world that doesn’t require us to define ourselves, or to root out the reason for our particular predilections so that they can be properly labeled and catalogued. I would like to live in a world that simply accepts and embraces the many forms of gender expression as a wonderful spectrum of human experience.
Would you like to create that world with me?
Peace,
Kate
Great comment, Kate
There are a lot of people that, for one reason or another, really want to find a cause to this.
Sounds like a great world to me
What a great question and yet there is no right answer. We all seam to have different thoughts about this. Thats what makes Tg girls so fun, diversity in thought and spirit.
So true, no right answer. There are so many theories, but truly, how will we ever know what’s true and what isn’t?
Hey girl
Long time. As you know I’ve been on a long journey to try to find out why I am this way and I’ve found lots of reasons that it could be from but no definitive answer. In fact some of the reasons should still allow me to fit into society as a man and yet this desire still persists from the core of my being as if just to spite me. In fact the reasons left to ponder are purely vanity and that just can’t be.
Hey Savanna,
Yes, I know about your journey. Sometimes it’s fun to try to find a reason why one is trans, but sometimes it can also be detrimental to one’s well-being.
I hope things are going better for you in everything.
Jessica
Very interesting question. My answer is rather complicated I wear woman’s clothing because I like the feel and something inside me says I need to. I do not feel like a woman and do not feel the need to pass but do feel the need to wear sexy clothes.
Those are great reasons. Thanks for sharing, Gaven.
I think science is starting to find out that some gender/sexuality issues come from the environment in the womb. For example men with older brothers are more likely to be gay, even if they were put up for adoption and didn’t grow up with those brothers. This points to changes in the monther’s womb chemistry/hormones from having had sons before.
Things are somewhat indicating that at least several of the transgender issues might also be due to what happened during pregnancy, although some relation with upbringing is also still possible.
It seems to be just natural variation, just like some people are colourblind or lefthanded.
Those are interesting points, thanks
.