About a month and a half ago I came across a post on the crossdressers.com forum that moved me deeply. An older member had written what essentially amounted to her whole crossdressing life story, condensed into several paragraphs.
In a nutshell, she kept crossdressing hidden from her wife for about 30 years until the clothes were discovered. Her wife adamantly rejected it and from there on their marriage was strained. Years later, the wife suffered through a couple of heart attacks and lost the ability to walk. As she took care of her wife in the years that followed, the dressing renewed, though it was once again a secret. Unfortunately, her wife passed away this year, and the sadness and pain that she is experiencing jumped right off the page and into my heart. I wrote my reply immediately, touched by what she shared with us on the message board.
I was inspired by her story and appreciative that she took the time to tell us. Her tale transcends crossdressing, for it’s not the clothes, makeup and wigs but what they represent – an expression of self. Suppressing this can only spell trouble, sooner or later.
She expressed regret that she never told her wife about her renewed interest in crossdressing and sadness when looking at the younger members’ pictures. Combined with the passing of her wife, she felt that she had no reason to live. While her account remains active, she has not posted anything since writing that thread.
As I sit here composing this, I hope that you too can take something from this story. Sure, being transgendered or being married to a transgendered person can be complex, but in the end it’s all about love. A love between two people who have committed their lives to each other for better or worse.
While my wife may not have chosen to be with a crossdresser, she fully accepts me and loves me as I am. I know that she struggles with it at times and I do try my best to consider her feelings at every juncture. We have come a long way together and will continue to support each other regardless of what life throws at us.
Older people are frequently dismissed in our culture of youth. I wholeheartedly go against this notion, cherishing the time with my grandparents and seeking to learn from them. The younger generation has much to gain from the triumphs and failures of the past.
I will most likely never meet this forum member, but she has made an impact on my life that will last forever.
photo credit: Dylan Luder
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
As a friend of mine tells me all the time “life sucks then you die”. But it doesn’t have to be that way.. I missed that on cd.com but her story is mine up to the part where her wife dies.. No mater what happens going forward.. I have a positive attitude about life, love, and crossdressing.. And getting old does suck! Trust me! Probably worse after my 10:30 pm hockey game tonight! Sigh.
Karren, your positive attitude is so uplifting as I read your posts from day to day. Your sense of humor and your outlook on crossdressing is very refreshing and I am really happy to know you.
It would be wonderful to dress any time one would like but wives dont accept that well. But speaking of Hockey,I got varacose vein problems after playing street hockey on one leg due to to tight knee pads. Luckely they havnt gotten any worse lately and dont look bad when wearing a skirt. Nylons are something I always liked but now they are out of style and with the varacose vein they were a help.
I also red the article about the elderly crossdresser and could relate way to well. Why is life so complicated? We must learn not to be so judgemental about others and love ourselves.
So true, life is very precious and when all is said and done clothes and gender identity shouldn’t outweigh love and acceptance.
Thank you for sharing this post. I too feel the same way. I did not hide from my wife for nearly that many years, but I did hide at one time. Today she has a constant struggle with my CD andoften feels lonely without anyone to talk to. Getting old and feeling like the years of dressing the way you see yourself are leaving you is very hard.
Hockey helps in some way. I releives stress. It is good to hear that there are hockey playing CD’s out there. Fall / winter sign ups are here see you on the ice
Steph.
Hi Stephanie, I am glad that you don’t hide from your wife, though I can understand her need for someone else to talk to. I do know that on the forums there are sections reserved for loved ones to speak their minds.
Hmmm… all these hockey playing crossdressers, you girls should all get together and form a team, you could tour the country
While I can understand the need to hide the fact that one cross dresses. I am a single man and recently joined a dating site and removed the fact that I cross dress to see if I got more messages. So far it has not helped.
Yes, it’s a tricky decision on when to reveal the crossdressing to someone you are dating. I remember being very scared and would never flat out tell a girl about my secret until we knew each other for a bit.