Last week I went to my very first transgender support group meeting. I posted this to my twitter and facebook accounts, got great responses and so I promised that I would write a blog post going more into detail.
I found this group on the internet and decided to show up for their Wednesday meeting. Although I was a bit nervous at first, soon enough I felt comfortable due to the warm welcome I received.
The group was small, which was nice because I was able to get to know everyone there in such a short time. I was not en femme for this meeting because I was unsure of the surroundings. One member took the time to make it clear that I would always be accepted no matter how I dressed. She even suggested changing in the bathroom at the meeting place if that would make me feel more comfortable.
During the meeting, each one of us got a chance to talk about what was going on in our lives at the moment. Nothing formal, just anything that we wanted to share. As a new member, I introduced myself and gave a brief description of my life. It sure felt nice presenting myself as a crossdresser to a table of exceptionally accepting people.
As time progressed, we spoke on different points, though the discussions tended to turn toward casual conversation. This was fine by me, because I was trying to get to know the other members.
I should point out that this support group is not specifically targetted toward cross-dressers, but rather transgendered people as a larger group. While some members are in fact cross-dressers, many more are transsexuals either transitioning or transitioned. One member asked me what it meant to be a cross-dresser and I gladly explained, which was rather cool because it felt like I was bringing a whole new perpsective into the group.
Two hours and a few minutes later, the meeting was adjourned and we went off in our separate ways. In that brief time I felt like a found a new outlet, safe haven and source of friendship. I certainly plan on attending the next meeting and I hope to become an active member.
Everyone was warm and accepting of me, something that is lacking in many crossdressers’ lives. Support groups offer you a venue in which you can share things without being judged and sentenced. Advice is offered, stories are shared and friends are made.
This brings us to my question to you. Have you ever attended a support group meeting, and if so did you become an active member? What do you feel you have gained as a result and what are some of the potential drawbacks (if any) of support groups? Please leave your comments below 
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photo credit: Putneypics
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Congrats on your first meeting, Jess! I know what a big step that is, having taken it myself earlier this year. I joined the Tampa chapter of Tri-Ess in May and the monthly meetings have been wonderful for me.
They have a monthly theme for dressing (last month was summer dresses), guest speakers (everything from reps from Human Rights Campaign, to dance lessons, to self-defense), and we start by meeting for dinner, usually at a public restaurant (Bonefish Grill, Red Lobster, etc…), then after the meeting we’ll go to an accepting club and dance and socialize some more.
We do a booth at the St. Pete Pride Parade, we have members that speak at colleges and do other types of outreach / education, but it’s not required for a member to do so. You can stay well within your own comfort level if one wants to
It’s been a fantastic outlet for me and my wife has been very supportive of my outings.
That’s great, Kristi, it sounds like you’re really getting the most out of your support group and it seems that you’ve chosen a great one. Thanks for the kinds words
Glad to read that you had a nice time. The meeting sounds very different from the one I go to! Variety’s good though, eh?
I’ve been going to a support group now for… (uses fingers)… for, come this winter, 5 years. At Nottingham Chameleons I’ve gained some good friends and they (along with my wife) helped me find self-acceptance and peace with who I am. In terms of what we get up to, there’s the more typical tea and chat evenings, to a party – sometimes with a theme – or a visit. Visits can be people asking for our advice (councils, government agencies, etc) or those coming to give advice (make-up vendors or community related businesses).
The groups I’ve been to, they’ve been safe places. By that, there’s nothing dodgy going on. I’ve heard from other (t)girls that some bars and clubs are more pick up joints than places to meet friends. It’s a little too “hands on” shall we say
The downsides? I’ve heard people say that support / social groups aren’t “real world”. To a point that’s true, but then is hanging around a tranny club or bar any more real world? Even if they are [shrug] does it make any difference?
Thanks, Lynn. There are a couple more support groups specifically dedicated to crossdressers, though they are a couple hours away. Even so, I may visit one sometime soon to experience something different and meet some new people.
I suppose that in a support group you won’t be subjected to real world judgment but then again many of us need that until we can acquire the courage to step outside of those boundaries.
Hi Jessica!
Funny enough, I went to my first support group last Tuesday and had a similar experience as you. It was a large group as it was their first meeting, but it was nice to know there are others like us going through what we are going through.
I feel it will be nice to have support should I need it and to give any if I can. Congrats on stepping out! I enjoy your blog too – keep up the good work!
Hey Zoë
Thanks, I too hope to gain some of these things from my new support group.
Support groups have been a major part of my life this year. As recently as June 2008, I was almost to shy to go in public at all, dressed as I wish and presenting as my true gender. I had only driven, walked around malls, and went to counseling. Then with the encouragement of a few support group members online, especially Leslie, I decided to go to a support group meeting in Lexington two hours from my home. From there, I made contacts in a Louisville group and began to attend their meetings as well.
Since then I have been unstoppable. The social interaction has built my confidence, helped me overcome social anxiet, and a lifelong inferiority complex. I have made amazing friends,and their encouragement has helped me become nearly unstoppable this year. I have made faster progress with my transition than I would have ever dreamed.
I try to stay active in both groups but it can be hard to attend because of the distance.
Your group sounds great! I think support groups have a lot to offer anyone across the full spectrum of transgender people. Hope your group turns out to be a wonderful part of your life. I’m sure with your communication skills and web savvy ways, you can be a positive asset to your group.
Wow, I am so happy for you and what you’ve gained from your support group, Shandy. Thanks for being so sweet
Yeah, I used to go to TG support group meetings but there are no good ones here in Denver. The two groups that meet in the area, the one at the Gender Identity Centre in Wheat Ridge and the other called TransAction at It Takes A Village in Aurora involve going through bad parts of town. In fact, all of Aurora is a bad area and so is West Denver past Auraria Campus. At the Gender Identity Centre, they blast me because I refused and still refuse to follow the Standards of Care.
There are, however, two t-groups that I would not mind going to. The ones I am referring to are the ones with the GLBT Student Services office at Auraria campus and the other one is with the GLBT Community Centre on the third Thursday of every month.
I’m sorry to hear that there are no good groups in Denver, Jessica. Are the groups that you would join very far away?
I’ve been to a couple of support groups. The first one I went to, I was scared out of my wits. I got to know people’s shoes better than their faces that first time, since I barely had the nerve to look up at anyone. Everyone there was really nice to me and I eventually managed to start talking a little. After a few meetings, most of the jitters I had at the meeting were pretty much gone. As frightening as it had been, I’m so glad I went. Meeting other people who were also transgendered just seemed to open up a whole new world for me.
I can understand the fear, Ana. I too experienced some anxiety as I’m usually very awkward in social situations. Like you, I’m very happy that I stuck with it because I feel that I have a lot to gain and a lot to give in this support group.
I’m happy you had a good time, I have visited a group and it was a great introduction to going out and losing my nervousness.
Thanks, Lucy. I plan on sharing my future experiences within the confines of the group
Great to hear you got out there Jessica.
Personally I haven’t attended any meetings. A couple years ago we went to a Christmas party for Tri Ess that was in a hotel right by where I live. The party itself was alright, but we were the youngest people by at least 20 years. We talked to a few of the people who were very nice, but they said the actual meetings for couples tend to be the wives and husbands separating to talk about issues and it’s just the women bitching about their husbands dressing and the guys talking about dressing. They also are not supposed to dress for the meetings. Sarah is more accepting than their wives seem to be and I would prefer to be dressed if I want to talk about dressing with random people I don’t really know. So that was the end of that. It was still a good night out dressed though.
computer issues, don’t know if this will post more than once, sorry if it does.
Thanks, Brit. I can definitely understand not wanting to return to a support group after having an experience like that. Those meetings sound very strict and not very productive for someone who is looking to enjoy themselves and not harp on all the negativity. I know we’ve discussed this before
, so thanks for sharing it here on this post 
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Jess what a great step for you personally. It’s great to hear you felt welcomed and found a place where you were able to meet other crossdressers. I think the hardest step was actually going, so bravo to you. Can’t wait to hear more about the group.
Thanks, it was a bit difficult going, but it got much easier once I sat down.