Folks, I’ve found it. After scouring the library, internet and the teachings of ancient civilizations, I’ve stumbled upon the cure for cross-dressing. This method is so effective it will completely erase your desire to wear women’s clothing if you so choose.
Careful and meticulous preparation is required and I cannot be held responsible for any undesired consequences that may occur as a result of this experiment. In other words, don’t try this at home. Keep going for the long-awaited cure for crossdressing!
The Cross-dressing Cure
First and foremost, make sure that this is what you want. If lacy leggings and frilly frocks are no longer the object of your desire or if you find high bra prices just too much to handle in today’s troubled economy, you may find this antidote useful in your life.
The Ingredients
- A yellow onion
- A turtle shell, preferably fresh water
- Two packets of zesty seasoning from Cheeburger Cheeburger
- A pair of brand new underwear
- A pair of brand new hiking boots
- 8 blades of Kentucky bluegrass
- 10 ounces of chicken vomit
- A nail pulled from a half-deflated tire
- One gallon of rocks
- 9 grains of sand, taken from the beaches of Bermuda
- A Koala Bear tooth, dipped in Listerine
- The wing of an overly ambitious turkey
- Two rotten strawberries
- A teaspoon of dandruff from an unwashed scalp
- Two melted snowcones
- A margarita made with dry ice
- A gold watch found at the bottom of the ocean, preferably the Pacific
- A whisker from the mustache of a BP executive
- 5 golden rings, unpolished and purchased from a pawn shop
Directions
Mix all ingredients in a bathtub, and let stand for 9 years. Then have the contents bottled up and strained, yielding one 8 oz bottle of medicine. A witch doctor must pierce your right big toe with an eagle’s talon while you recite the lyrics of Whoomp! There it is. After this is completed, walk backwards up and down the nearest set of stairs but quit exactly midway and begin crying over the fact that no more Rambo movies will be made this year.
Then drink the medicine and cluck like a whale until your left foot begins to talk to you. When this happens, and this is extremely important, call your local plumber and tell him or her that you have just been elected the president of insanity. Then hang up and touch the ceiling for 2 hours. Immediately after, fall asleep for 1.35 months and only dream about quails dancing on broadway.
When you wake up, shake your head while collecting empty dumpsters in a cereal bowl. If you time things correctly a purple door should open up underneath the nearest palm tree. If not, start over. If it’s there, knock 10 times and ask for Mort. He won’t be available, so scream at the doorman that you have leftover toothpaste to share with the police.
At this point, the FBI will arrive riding on a dragonfly and it is up to you to throw a banana peel at them so as to block their vision. Once the banana responds with a snarky comment, spin yourself around until dizzy and eat a piece of concrete.
Finally, read The Iliad back to front and jump into a man-made lake. That was the easy part. Now call up a volcano and demand repayment on your loan. The lava will immediately cool and by 9:30 the next YamDay, you must skate on it with a cheery gorilla.
When the gorilla cries, you must accuse him of being a genius. The gorilla will then punch you in the face, effectively knocking you into a 8 year coma. You will awaken in a fictional hospital and a famous Hollywood director will inform you that you are now cured.
Too Easy?
In reality, folks, there is no cure for cross-dressing or being trans. It is part of our nature and though difficult, we must accept ourselves and represent for our community so that we can eventually gain respect and acceptance.
If there were a cure, would you go for it or would you prefer to remain as you are? An interesting hypothetical, huh?
photo credit: e-MagineArt.com
JessicaWhoHD
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I would not take a cure for crossdressing , that’s simply far too much fun!
A cure for gender dysphoria though, where do I sign?
Yup
Hi Jessica,
That was a good read, the only problem I see is that it would take over 17years To complete!
(Assuming you already had the ingredients)
Never the less you raise an interesting question, would I take the cure?
I spend more money on clothing,
I am often depressed,
I have to be constantly aware who i am (at the moment)
There are no simple solutions,
The best fix costs so much money/ family /stress that it puts you off.
But even then….
I am who I am because of the things I do and without them, who Would I take be?
No, I think I will stay the way I am – even with all the pitfalls.
Love to you all.
Joanne
Right on!
I could not stop laughing as i read this post in your blog. By the end of the post i had almost fallen off my chair. There is definitely no cure for crossdressing. The best thing for me was figuring out how to accept my crossdressing and incorporate it into my life. I have been extremely happy ever since i have done so. Even if there is a cure i would not take it. I am happy to have my individuality even if it is not what people consider a social norm.
Thanks Tori, I’m glad you enjoyed it
I don’t want to change !
Same here
If there was a cure, which I doubt there is, then….. honestly… there are times when I would have snatched your hand off to get at it.
Now? Not so much. I think being trans – no matter where you are on that scale – goes to the very core of your being. How much of ‘me’ would remain if the trans elements disappeared? I find some of male culture very alien* – team sports, drinking until drunk and grand standing go past me.
( * I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with 99.9% of male culture – what I am saying is I have trouble connecting with it!
)
Lynn
x
I totally understand, it is part of who we are and to strip that away would erode our true selves.
I like your writing style. Very creative.I dont comment on every post but I still read them all. I’m just going to stay the way I am and enjoy it. Its always nice to have a close friend who you can share your thoughts with who is on the same level as yourself.
I crossdressed in male clothes my whole life. I guess you could say my cure was transition. Never had to crossdress again hehehehe
I have only one question. Do you know where I can get the chicken vomit? Great post, keep it up. Angie
Personally, I’m not looking for a cure for cross-dressing. If you find a magical formula for lowering bra prices, though, I’d be happy to be the guinea pig!
I hated cross dressing as a male so gave it up as soon as I could leave home as a teenager.
I would never have contemplated a cure, the outside is just the shell which carries all that is me.
good posting about the way it is.This part of the quote touched me:”It is part of our nature and though difficult, we must accept ourselves “. I was going thru a purge these last few weeks, an I realized that like the Fictionmania story where a CD is stuck-I’m stuck too with this transitioning fem body and a left sided brain that works, too.
Would I take the cure?
Without question. I do not understand those of you who claim to enjoy being transgendered. Seriously? You enjoy being a woman stuck in a mans body? You actually like looking like a fool and being treated like one for no better reason than that you were born with a body that does not mirror your mind and spirit?
I don’t. I hate it with a passion. I hate having to spend my day as a man just so I can make a living. Then coming home and having to hide in my room because my gay roommate wouldn’t understand or accept my situation and I would end up on the street where I would have to spend 100% of my time acting like a man.
If someone offered me the means to be wholly female or even male. I would take it without hesitation. And I may be wrong, but I believe that any one of you would do the same. Because I don’t believe any of you want to struggle to be the women you want to be. And I certainly do not believe you enjoy the ridicule we all face.
If I am wrong, then I really do not know how to relate to you.