Gaining the acceptance of our loved ones is one of the biggest issues that we in the T community face, mainly because those around us know us the best and hold us to their own standards. If we’re fortunate, we find solace and comfort in knowing that our significant others tolerate our behavior.
Is there a “silver bullet” method for getting your friends and family to accept your true persona? Let’s explore this together by examining the ways in which we obtain approval and support as it relates to our trans identities.
The Keys To Getting Started
I think one of the main things that helps in revealing your secret to someone is being confident in who you are, which isn’t always easy. In fact, when I told my wife about Jessica, I had nowhere near the amount of self-esteem that I do today. However, she loved me and was willing to accept me for my true self.
When speaking to my mother, cousin and friends I had to take charge and own my confidence because otherwise I would seem unsure of my transgender id, which wasn’t the case. If you aren’t rock solid in your foundation, the person on the other end may take the opportunity to question you and perhaps even undermine what you’re trying to accomplish.
Different Ways to Reveal The Secret
My preferred method is speaking in person with the person I am trying to gain acceptance from, the only other way that I have tried is over the phone. I like to be face-to-face with someone because it is a much better form of communication with less room for misunderstandings.
However, not everyone is able to do this, so in some cases, a well-written email or letter is needed to get all your thoughts recorded and organized. By doing this, you feel more confident in your presentation and are able to get everything out with little chance of interruption.
The downside of a letter is the sometimes excruciating wait time involved in receiving a response. I’ve never experienced this, but I would imagine that it is not much fun, at the very least.
Visual Evidence
Of course, the most striking aspect of sharing with someone that you are a cross-dresser or transsexual is the visual. They often know you as a male and can’t imagine anything else, even if you did dress up like Madonna last Halloween.
I would imagine that having a good picture of yourself on hand wouldn’t be a bad idea, this way if the person is ready they can have a quick look at your feminine presentation. In the case of gaining acceptance from my mother, this was a big help and went very well in my opinion.
I waited a day for things to sink in and then asked if she would be willing to see pictures of me. She responded positively and though she has never seen me in drag in person, she does watch my videos regularly.
A Silver Bullet Toward Transgender Acceptance?
I often wonder if there are silver bullets that would gain you acceptance no matter what. For instance, if you were filthy rich and very powerful, it would probably be much easier for your new significant other to immediately support your crossdressing.
In my case, I think that comedy may be the key for my friends and family to accept Jessica. I hope to convey that while I am confident and sure of myself, I don’t take myself too seriously in that I poke fun at my situation.
My stand-up comedy career should be kicking off very soon, and while I am initially doing everything in guy mode, there will be a time where I will probably go onstage in drag. Depending on the level of success that I earn, it may be easier to convert Jessica from a secret to common knowledge amongst those who know me.
What Do You Think?
Have you found a great strategy for sharing your T-secret with others that you would like to share? Do you think that there are things that you can do to facilitate easier or even immediate acceptance? Do you think that having a successful comedy / blogging career would make it easier for friends and family to not only accept their cross-dressing son/friend/cousin/nephew/grandson but look at the entire community in a better light?
Please share and all the best in your quest for gaining acceptance 
.
JessicaWhoHD
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
While I can’t relate to revealing myself to be Trans, because I’m not. I did go through something similar years ago when I came out to my parents. They’re both very religious, so I thought the best thing for me was to put it all in a letter and mail it to them. That way it would give them time to digest all the information, before responding to me. I didn’t want to make them feel like they were being ambushed, and I wanted to ensure I got my point across entirely.
After all was said and done, as it turns out, they told me they thought I was gay anyway. Doh! Anyway, we don’t talk openly about it, but they accept me and still love me.
One of the first things my mom asked me in response to my coming out to her was, “You’re not taking drugs are you Corey?” Ha! Oh, mom if it were THAT simple.
Baby steps, dear…baby steps.
That’s a great story, thanks for sharing. I can’t even begin to imagine the anxiety you must have felt in waiting for a reply.
the only person I have not told face to face was a friend from school, the only friend from school 40 years ago and 400 miles away. He asked inline how I was doing so I thought why not say. The return email took an hour or so so I don’t know how much thinking time there was before the encouraging reply. everyone else has taken a few seconds at most before continuing with life, usually not much change the is all I heard.
That’s good to hear that you got encouragement
Great topic and important. Thought this link might help anyone dealing with telling their SO
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13841
I’m almost ready to tell one of my friends. I was going to write a letter, but I’m re-thinking that now. This should be done face-to-face. And a letter probably is the coward’s way out. If I want them to accept who I am, then I need to express who I am to them in person.
That’s great, let me know how it goes. All the best
I told my wife of 21 years on our third date. I was already falling for her big time, so I wanted to know whether this would be an issue or not. Her response was “I like wearing silky, pretty clothes too” – she thought my “big” secret was something way more kinky.
I have worked hard to keep a balance in our marriage and she has always made room for Alana. At this point, she would give me a very strange look if I came to bed in clothing not silky. For my part, I have worked hard to be a good husband, father and provider. So far, so good.
Her challenge for me now is for me to learn to sew and make my own clothing as fit is always a challenge. I fancy myself becoming a Priscilla St. John one day http://www.flickr.com/photos/glampriscilla/with/3061499246/
That’s amazing! It happened very similarly for me, I started falling in love with my wife very quickly
Thanks for addressing this topic. While I don’t think there IS a silver bullet, I don’t think we should stop looking for one. Along the way me will probably find many gold, brass or even platinum ones.
I shared with my then “steady” about Julie, and the next day she presented me with a silky, full slip. She later told me she wanted to see if I was “seriously into” cross dressing or not. Apparently I passed the test – we have been married for 13 years now.
Julie Michelle
That’s true, hopefully society comes along more to where all we need to do is reveal ourselves to automatic acceptance, we shall see.
Great story, yay!
My own thoughts for helping gain acceptance is to remove the hiding idea that men are better than women that I think still exists in our society.
Think about it – when is a woman criticized for being more masculine? Often if a woman shows some strength or assertiveness, she is applauded – even though those are historically more “masculine” traits. If a woman wears her boyfriend or husband’s clothing, it is somewhere from normal to sexy. For a man to be gentle or pretty, though – society has little praise for that. For a man to wear a dress – how silly!
But why? Why should there be more approval for women to exhibit masculine qualities than for men to exhibit feminine qualities? Well, “Men are better.” To be more masculine is therefore naturally an improvement. To be more feminine is to be worse. Of course you should encourage someone to be better, and it is foolishness to deliberately make yourself worse!
Only if women and men are truly viewed as equals can this be corrected. Sure, you can get acceptance from some for your crossdressing ways, because we know on a conscious level that men and women are equal, and we are supposed to treat them that way. Subconsciously, I don’t think we’re there yet, so going MTF still strikes many as foolishness on a level they don’t even comprehend.
You think people are aware of this attitude? Our own honored Jessica De Leon demonstrated recently that ze can get caught up in it. In her post on Miller’s advertising, she made the claim that “I am more of a man than the ‘men’ that made these commercials” – was that not a statement of her superiority? Who called her out on that? Who objected to this implicit statement that making yourself more feminine is to degrade yourself?
I’m no expert and only part time CDer. I have not told anyone, except everyone who knows me has seen me in drag… I have no plan to tell anyone how I feel. I think it is a mistake, you can not accurately describe who you are… So my solution is to just dress up, trying not to hide it (although it is mostly a private activity) and to anyone who knows me, it is just something fun I do. Over time they will learn more about me, but there will be no big announcement or huge life change.
I came out as a cross-dresser to my parents through my ex-wife and a divorce. She took it as her responsibility to take my only picture in a dress and give it to my parents in hopes they would turn on me and side with her through the divorce. I had to come clean, but haven’t spoken of it with my parents since. I know they know. They don’t ask and I don’t tell. It works for us.
Because of the “Don’t ask don’t tell” policy we have adopted, I don’t know if any of my siblings know. Frankly, at this point in my life, I don’t want to know what they know.
I, of course, told my ex-wife. She has, in return, at least told her parents. I can tell from their reactions. She also told civic groups I was part of and no longer can be because of being a cross-dresser, yet if they were never told, no one would have known.
Finally, I have told my current girl friend. I feel if we were to try to build a life together, I had to tell her the truth. At first she didn’t want to accept it. She didn’t want to see me dressed. I expected that reaction. I also knew that if I took things slowly, she would come around. So far it is working. She is helping teaching me how to do my make-up. She is also helping me to purchase a nice wig. I hope to be able to take a trip out of town soon so that I can dress in public. She says she is looking forward to it too.