Forgive me today as this post is going slightly off topic, trending more toward my personal life. In the last few days, I have had been presented with the opportunity to step back and really think about what I want to do with my life professionally.
At one time I thought I had it all figured out but from where I stand now the possibilities are plenty and that can be a little terrifying.
Family, Profession, Crossdressing and Life
I went to school for Software Development and was certain this would be an exciting and rewarding field to work in. However, little by little the opposite has come to fruition and I find myself with a half-clean slate and trying to move forward.
I know that I want to work in technology, but I need to figure out in what capacity. In the coming weeks and months I will attempt to find my direction professionally in the hopes of settling into something long-term.
On the good side I know that I have other things in my life figured out — marriage, family life, hobbies and yes even crossdressing.
Next Chapter
At least for now, Software Development is not going to be an option for me. I may eventually return but right now I need to explore a few other avenues. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll find an open position that matches me perfectly or perhaps I’ll go back to school and study something that I am super passionate about.
I had a chat with my now-former supervisor and he told me that I should definitely take this opportunity to find a profession that I will be happy in and that I will feel passionate about. He’s been fortunate to find a position that merges two fields that he loves, and I hope that I can do the same.
How long did it take you to find your professional niche? Have you found it yet?
Again, sorry for the tangent, we now return you to your regularly scheduled program 
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JessicaWhoHD
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I have found Jessica that the process of getting your head around issues like gender, presentation, all of these things we blog about, bashes down other barriers real or imagined in the rest of our lives.
When you change something radically (for example, accept and embrace cross dressing), and find great outcomes, it makes it easier and more appealing to do the same with other parts.
Clearly, your recent example of getting up in front of an audience on a stage or through a video-cam shows that. I suspect that the much of the courage it took to do this came from your positive experience of embracing Jessica.
I think that our professional worlds are so prone to change, disruption, extinctions that the capacity to adapt, the capacity do just do something wildly different is a real success indicator. It is a survival imperative too. I think that the cross dresser has a pretty leg up on people less capable of radical change.
So go do something different. And as soon as you master that thing, start looking for the next thing. Do keep us posted.
Cheers – Petra
I feel the same way right now. I like my job and the people I work with, but some days, more often than not, I feel like I’m just going through the motions. When I don’t feel challenged I get bored very easily. And it’s so easy sometimes to just accept the status quo, and not rock the boat.
There’s a major life change coming down the pike.
Hubz has been out of work since February, and we’re looking to move back to NYC or to LA or San Fran. I’m ready for the change, I just need the details to be finalized for my own sanity.
Hey girl!
I went to school for software development and well I taught myself a lot of it before then too. But in the meantime, during school and such, I ended up in IT (support) and I kind of got stuck in that niche for 10 years. Then finally a company let me switch to Development and I’ve been able to gain valuable development experience here.
Good luck to you whatever you figure out!
<3 Jerica
I wanted to be an engineer since high school. I went to Purdue University and enrolled. I started there and also enrolled in the
ROTC. after three years, I was called up to active duty during
WWII. Upon release from the army and returned to Purdue under the GI bill. I took a job with the power company in Cleveland OH and
stayed there until I retired. I went on to graduate work at Case Western Reserve University for a Masters degree. It worked for me.
I also remained in the US Army Reserve while working for the power company. Also became active in amature theatre productions and traveled a lot to many countries on vacation. Life has been good to me. I have two daughters, four grand children and three great grandchildren. I only became interested in crossdressing about two years ago and am loosing interest in that some what. I am 88 years old.
Good luck with the job hunt. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.
I think I kinda drifted into my career and a combination of luck & judgement, slowly rose from help desk, to support geek and upwards to sysadmin. It certainly beats working for a living
Part of me would like to do something more creative, but I need to pay the bills 
Seems like I no sooner find it than it gets pulled out from under me! My prayers are with you, sweetie.
I went to college for 8 years and was in a job for many years with my educatioal background. After laboring through the last 5 years doing what I had always done I changed professions.
I’m still self employed but now have time to go visit people and dont have a rigid schedule. For the first 12 years or so out of college I worked 80+ hours a week. I had little time to explore who I really was.
I’ve always known I was a workaholic and I think some of this stemmed from the fact I was secure in my profession but not in my inner feelings that I tried to surpress. In other words my femine self wanted to be heard and not just thought about. Be true to yourself.
Hi Jessica,
I know where you’re coming from! I thought I had it all figured out as well, and now I’m not sure what path my life will take but I’m always optimistic and looking forward to the day when it will all work out…
Hang in there, tomorrow may bring more of the same, or it might be something different all together. But we won’t know that until the sun comes up tomorrow.
So far? 14 years. Although I’m supposed to be a developer I have managed to mould each job I have had into something I enjoy more than just coding (the use of the word *just* there is not supposed to antagonise any guru’s out there :p )
I’ve never seen myself as a technical architect or techy guru, but I can team lead, problem solve and debug better than most I work with so I can always shape my team to prop up my weaknesses and exploit my stengths (OK this sounds too much like a job application now…). It works for me anyway, 14 years into my career and whilst it’s not my first choice MacClaren seem to have two drivers they are happy with so I am stuck with it.
Stace
I sort of lucked into where I am. Software Developer by training, but complete and total frustration with a prior employer left me to do desperate measures (in other words, “Get me the hell out of here!!!”) I found myself taking a contract position doing something COMPLETELY different (basically I took the very first offer I received) with the intent of using that contract period to really sort out what I wanted to do. It turned out that I really *liked* what I was doing in the contract role, became more interested in the industry, and that eventually led me to where I am today – which worked out to be a blend of both. I’m back in an engineering role, but using what I learned from that original contract position and actually find myself with a pretty desirable skillset and am able to bring a unique perspective to the table. While I defintely would NOT do my current job for free, it’s enough to keep me interested. When I have a rough day I start to daydream about doing something totally different (like going into medical – nursing or something) but in the end I come back to where I am as being the best place to be for now.
I guess what you need to do is decide what it is you (at some point) liked about being an SDE, and what you DON’T like about being an SDE, and go from there. Is it problem solving? Is it just the computer stuff? Is it the typical lack of personal interaction with others? Etc.
Good luck!
I can understand what you are saying. It is a big decision. I am in the same vote as you. I know in my mind and spirit I am a woman but because of what I do in the community I must be at least my male outer self.
I do realize it is hard. But I know who I am and I am satisfied with that.
Carrie