I talk a lot about how my wife not only knows about my cross-dressing needs but also encourages and completely supports me. Additionally, I’ve written extensively about how I’ve either told someone close to me that I cross-dress or they’ve found out somehow. However, to a certain degree, I am still very much in the closet.
“How so?,” you may ask and the answer is that I rarely leave the house in drag and a good portion of my family and friends do not yet know about this side of me. So while I enjoy some freedom with this, there is more to be gained if I so desire. But what about those of us who keep our cross-dressing a secret from every living soul around us? Is there something wrong here?
The Closet Metaphor
By now most of us are familiar with the closet metaphor, when you’re “in the closet” you keep part of yourself hidden from the world and when you’re “out of the closet” you share with everyone. Cut and dry, right? Well, not exactly.
Depending on how you approach it, telling a few people about your secret but not everyone is kind of like pulling them into the closet with you rather than actually stepping out yourself. Don’t get me wrong, telling a couple of family members or friends is a humongous achievement, I just want to shed some light on the closet analogy.
On the other hand, one could look at it this way — telling a few people allows you to step out of the closet and roam free for a period of time and then shuffle back in for a while. It all depends on your perspective, which leads me to the main point I want to talk about in this article.
Is It So Bad Being a Closeted Cross-Dresser?
I want to make one thing clear — I never ever look down at those who are completely in the closet as far as their cross-dressing / transgender nature is concerned. I fully realize that there are many factors at play in our lives — from work and family to community status — that foster a need for keeping this part of us a secret.
For many in our community, there is no problem with keeping our feminine sides to ourselves. Perhaps only our significant other is privy to the information and maybe a couple of others. Sometimes even our significant others have to be kept out of the loop because, as I said above, there are many variables that affect our lives.
While I’m very fortunate and happy to be in the position that I’m currently in, I do hope for a day where even more people know about Jessica. I have certainly grown so much as a person since the days of keeping my girl clothing in a laundry bag on the side of my bed. Sharing this part of me with those I care about has definitely aided my progression.
If I have any advice regarding in the closet versus out of the closet, it would be this — follow your heart. If you are happy dressing in drag within the confines of your home and have no desire to tell anyone, then by all means keep it that way. However, if you long for other people in your life to know more about you and feel that it can enhance your existence, consider sharing your feminine side.
Tread lightly, but also remember that we have one life to live and we must make the most of it whether that’s in the closet or outside of it.