By now most of you are familiar with the story of Fox News raising a ruckus over J.Crew’s president painting her sons toenails pink for a catalog spread. This ridiculous story was certainly no surprise to yours truly, I’ve long been aware of the tactics of this right-wing news organization.
The unfair and ridiculous attacks burned up the Internet last week and, not wanting to lose any momentum, Fox News has now decided to launch an all-out smear campaign against pink lemonade!
An article released on their website calls pink lemonade “an assault on an American tradition perpetuated by the LGBTQ community in their continued efforts to homogenize gender identity in this country”. The author of the piece is Glenn Beck’s personal poor people shooer, Rossbert Sniffler.
Stating that boys who sip pink lemonade will “inevitably end up in psychotherapy later in life”, Sniffler attempts to prove a point that has no basis in reality. He goes on to talk about how pink lemonade is only the beginning and soon we will see food items like pink licorice, pink grapefruit juice and worst of all, rare-cooked hamburgers!
As is to be expected, folks in the LGBTQ community are up in arms. Johnson H. Yitterbug III, an intern at GLAAD had this to say, “Wait, what? You can’t be serious! Pink lemonade? I mean, personally I prefer the traditional stuff but I completely understand why people enjoy it with a splash of raspberry.”
A PR rep from Fox News, who wished to remain anonymous, said that Bill O’Reilly has been spotted on several occasions slurping some pink lemonade. “Yea, the guy loves that drink. I think it’s his favorite. He even puts those tiny umbrellas in his glasses so he can feel fancy.”
Toward the end of the article, Sniffler admits to having tried pink lemonade “once or twice in college” though he experienced no strong feelings for it. “It’s just a ploy to make both genders equal,” declared Sniffler. He does say that if this is the only variety available to young boys after a day of playing sports outside, they should all take turns punching each other in the face, in order to retain some semblance of masculinity.
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OMG, this was way too funny . . . I am definitely going to sip some pink lemonade tonight while I do my nails.
They must be bonkers. It was precisely because pink switched from being a boy’s to a girl’s colour that primary gender roles began to break down. Only if and when pink is brought back to its rightful status as a manly chromatic can proper American family values hope to be restored.
So what’s the problem? That she painted son toenails or was it pink. To me it’s like wearing a pink shirt. I rarely wear pink myself. Because I like orange, violet, olive,more than pink. Or is it pink nail polish he’s wear !